Locked Up
by KitKat0219
Summary: Clare Edwards and Eli Goldsworthy are both patients at Degrassi Juvenile Mental Health Hospital. They're both broken and depressed. Can they help each other pick up the pieces of their lives? Summary sucks, I know. Just give it a chance, please.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Clare and Eli are both 16.**

**Clare's POV**

"Welcome to Degrassi Juvenile Mental Hospital. You must be Clare Edwards," a lady greeted my mom and me. She was rather short, with long, pin straight brown hair and wide brown eyes.

I nodded and she smiled. "My name is Dr. Johnson, I'm the head psychologist. Here, Mrs. Edwards, please sign here and initial here," Dr. Johnson gestured to blank lines on a contract of some sort.

"There. Can I go now?" my mom asked, not caring. I rolled my eyes. She hasn't cared about me since dad left 3 years ago – which is why she decided to ship me here rather than take care of me on her own.

"You can if you'd like, but I suggest you take the tour with us," Dr. Johnson said.

"I'd rather not," mom retorted, and strode out the doors. I tried to ignore the pang of sadness I felt by biting my lip, hoping to stop the tears threatening to leak out of my eyes.

"So, let's start by searching your stuff," she said, grabbing my suitcase. We went into a room where she pulled out all of the strings in my hoodies and tennis shoes, to prevent hangings I guess. I was just glad we actually got to wear normal clothes, and not hospital gowns. After she finished, she took me on the tour.

"The girls rooms are in this hallway and the boys rooms are on the other side of the building. Your room is right here, number 23, and your roommate is Alli Bhandari," she explained, and allowed me to put my stuff in the room.

For the next half hour she walked me around, showing me the different rooms and explaining the rules. We stopped at the cafeteria, and she ushered me inside.

"Lunch just started, go ahead and eat. After that, you head to group therapy; there will be a nurse calling out names to tell you what room to go to," she said.

She left me standing awkwardly at the door. The kids seemed pretty normal to me; at least they did from a distance. That thought was short lived, because I heard screaming from the hallway behind me. I peeked outside and saw two massive men holding one smaller, younger guy, who was freaking out.

He was pretty tall, had short brown hair and squinty eyes. "You wanna hurt me! I know you do! I can read your mind! LET ME GO! HELP!" He shouted, struggling against the two men. I sucked in a breath and he looked directly at me. "PLEASE HELP ME! THEY WANT TO HURT ME! I KNOW THEY DO!" They dragged him away, with him still yelling and screaming. It was truly frightening, and it did not give me much hope about the rest of the people here.

I looked back in the cafeteria. There were many tables, most full. I looked around, and saw that while there were no completely empty tables, there _was _one with only one person. I would rather talk to someone who looked lonely rather than talk to a bunch of people who don't look like they need friends.

"Um, hi, I'm Clare, and I was wondering if I could sit with you?" I said this like a question, even though I was going to sit there regardless of what he said. The only reason I asked was to be polite.

"No."

Did he really just say no to me? It's because I'm fat, isn't it?

"Too bad," I said, sitting down. He looked angry and I smirked, because that means I won.

**Eli's POV**

Really? I told the girl she couldn't sit with me, so what does she do? Sits down anyway? Who does she think she is?

I was seething. I didn't want to be around anyone, which is why I sit alone. We were glaring at each other for the longest time, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

I took this time to really look at her. She was short and skinny-very skinny, she looked unhealthy, with short auburn curls and the clearest blue eyes. From our short conversation, I could tell that she was stubborn. After much internal debate, I decided that maybe we could be friends.

Only because Dr. Johnson would get off my back if I told her I made a new friend. She says 'it's unhealthy to have no friends'. So, with the thought of getting out of here in my mind, I introduced myself.

"I'm Eli. Eli Goldsworthy."

"I'm Clare."

"I know, you said that already," I said, and she narrowed her eyes at me once again. I bit back a laugh; this girl got flustered so easily. "So," I started, "what are you in here for?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Clare shot back. I smirked. "What are _you_ in here for?" she asked me.

"Wouldn't you like to know," I said, repeating her earlier statement. She narrowed her eyes again and sighed in frustration.

This could be fun.

**A/N: PLEASE READ THIS. So there ya go. This chapter was basically just setting things up for later. If I continue, it will get better, and it'll go more deeply into their me in a review if you think I should continue, because I don't know if people would like this idea or not. **

**P.S.**

**Did you figure out who the crazy guy was in the hallway? I tried to describe him so you could recognize who he is, hopefully you did. So, yeah, review por favor :) Tell me predictions, what do you think Clare&Eli are in for? Clare's should be kinda obvious, I hinted at it... :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I am so, so, sorry about not updating Friday, but you know that ice/snow storm? Welllll it knocked my power out. While I was in the middle of typing everything. So I got it back, and I promise to update ASAP. Kay? Kay! **

**THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS/FAVORITES/ALERTS! :)**

**************  
Clare's POV**

Eli and I didn't talk after that, which was okay by me. After lunch, a male nurse came in holding a clipboard. He was tall and intimidating.

"Torres, Goldsworthy, Bhandari, Fitzgerald and Edwards, group therapy in room 1," He said, his voice booming.

"Ooh, more time to spend with me!" Eli mocked beside me. I rolled my eyes and walked out quickly, only to realize I had no clue where I was going. "This way," Eli said, pointing down the hallway.

He started walking and I followed behind him, eventually going into a room with three other people there. I sat down in one of the hard, uncomfortable grey chairs that were arranged in a circle. Eli took the seat directly in front of me.

"Good afternoon, everyone. I would like to point out we have a new person here today, her name is Clare. Clare, why don't you tell us some information about yourself?" Dr. Johnson started off, and everyone's eyes were on me.

"U-Uh, w-well," I started, feeling uncomfortable under their stares, "My name's Clare and I'm 16 years old." I said, and looked up to see Eli smirking at me.

"Wow, Clare, you just gave me too much information, I don't know how I can remember it all!" He said sarcastically, and I glared at him. I've known him for about 45 minutes and I can already tell he's a complete ass.

"Eli, enough. Clare, that was fine. Everyone, introduce yourself to Clare," Dr. Johnson stated, looking around the room expectantly.

An Indian girl spoke up first, "Hi! My name's Alli! I think Dr. Johnson said we're gonna be roommates! It's gonna be _AWESOME_!" She exclaimed, and I merely nodded my head and smiled lightly. She was bouncing up and down in her seat, grinning.

The next person to talk was a young boy, with bright blue eyes. He didn't look very manly; he actually looked feminine. "I'm Adam," he simply said and gave a half wave type thing.

"And I'm Fitz," the last guy said, and that was when I realized it was the crazy guy I saw earlier in the hallway. I instinctively scooted away from him, and felt bad after doing so.

"Of course you know who _I_ am," Eli cut in, smirking.

"Unfortunately," I muttered, loud enough for him to hear.

"Ouch! That hurt," he joked, putting his hand over his heart. I rolled my eyes again (I seem to be doing that a lot today), and Dr. Johnson stepped in, asking everyone how they were today and whatnot. I saw her give Eli a curious look before starting, though, and he returned it with a shrug, looking down.

I learned that you didn't have to talk if you didn't want to, which was good because I didn't want to. Adam, Fitz and Alli did. I learned that Alli was in here because she was manic-depressive (that explains her overjoyed mood), Fitz was a schizophrenic (now I get why he said he was hearing voices) and Adam was an FTM and he burned himself.

I didn't talk at all – I just wasn't comfortable, and Eli didn't either. When our hour session was over, we were allowed to go to the entertainment room, and that had a T.V., decks of cards, air hockey, and other things.

I wandered into the room and looked around. It seemed pretty inviting, unlike the other bland rooms here. I was just standing there in the middle of the room when Eli came up behind me. "Wanna play speed?" he asked.

I jumped and turned around, coming face to face with him. I never really noticed before, but he had the most gorgeous green eyes…

"Uh, sure," I said, and he maneuvered us to a table. We set the card game up and played for awhile, with him beating me every time.

"I win again!" he exclaimed, looking triumphant. I couldn't help but crack a smile at the cute expression. I realized that he actually wasn't _that _annoying, and he was pretty clever.

"Time for dinner!" A loud voice roared, and we all got up and went to the cafeteria again. I went through the line, loading my plate up with food

"CLARE! CLARE, OVER HERE! COME SIT WITH ME!" I heard Alli scream, and saw her obnoxiously waving her arms and patting the seat next to her. I walked over, sat down and began to stuff my face.

Alli and I talked, and she was actually really nice. "Um, I have to go to the bathroom…Could you take me? I don't remember where it is," I asked.

"Just go tell one of the nurses over there; they have to take you," she replied.

"What do you mean they _have to take me_?"

"Nobody's allowed to go by themselves, you have to be accompanied," she explained.

I suddenly felt dizzy and on the verge of a panic attack. Dr. Johnson hadn't told me this! I slowly made my way over to a nice looking nurse, and asked her to take me to the bathroom. She, of course, agreed, and took me.

I went into the stall, and shut the door. _How was I supposed to do this with her standing right there?_ I decided it didn't matter if she knew, because all I could think about was getting rid of all the fat that was now in my body because I ate all that food. I kneeled down on the cold floor, and lifted the toilet seat up.

I stuck my pointer finger down my throat, causing me to throw up everything. "Are you okay?" I heard the nurse ask, and I didn't answer. I just flushed the toilet and wiped my mouth.

"I'm fine," I told her.

"It sounded like you threw up. Did you, Clare?" She asked, meeting my gaze with a steely glare.

"Nope," I lied, and strode out, feeling satisfied that, even though I was in here, I still had control.

**A/N: Sorry for the sucky chapter. I just needed to get the background info. out there; now you know why Alli, Adam, Fitz and Clare are here. Next chapter will have Eclare fluff, yay!**

**And good job to:**

**we-will-not-fall-down**** for figuring out Clare's problem, and to ****krey11 ****who knew who the guy in the hallway was, and to ****mrseligoldsworthy27**** who figured out ****both! Haha. :D**

**Review? It makes me happy (:**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**** So, I know I said some Eclare fluff, but I changed my mind. I wanted drama in this chapter, so yeah. Here it is! **

**And thanks for the reviews/alerts/favorites! You guys are awesome (:**

**I just made a twitter! So, follow me! You KNOW you want to. Username: KitKat0219**

Clare's POV

"Clare, you're here because we want to _help. _You have to stop doing this to yourself," Dr. Johnson said, watching me from behind her desk.

I snorted. "Help? By locking me up here, taking away my freedom? That's how you're trying to 'help'?" I yelled, furious. This was _my_ body, _my _life, and I can do whatever I want with it! And I sure as heck don't need anyone's _help; _I've been on my own for three years and I'm fine!

"Clare, what you're doing isn't healthy. We just want to make sure you overcome-"

"I don't want your help!" I spat, and stormed out.

Eli's POV

"Mr. Goldsworthy, you can come in now," Dr. Johnson called from inside her office. I sighed and walked in.

"So, Elijah, how are you today?" She asked like she does every day, and I grimaced at the use of my full name.

"It's Eli. And I'm fine," I responded, also like I do every day.

"I see you and Ms. Edwards seem to be getting along," she acknowledged and I smiled inwardly, because my plan seemed to be working. Also, I found that I liked talking to Clare; she was really smart and interesting.

"Yeah, she's pretty nice." And funny, and witty and actually really pretty…

"Well, I'm glad to see you socializing with others. It shows improvement."

"Yup," I simply said.

"So," she continued, "how do you feel about this? Have you thought about Julia at all?"

I froze. No. I hadn't. I didn't want to think about her. "N-No…" I managed to get out. "I…I shouldn't be friends with Clare. It's not right, not fair to Julia…" I couldn't believe I let myself talk to her in the first place. I don't deserve to have friends; I don't deserve to be happy. Not after what I did.

"I think that's enough for today, Elijah," she said gently. I didn't even correct her about my name-just nodded and slowly walked out. I went to my room, even though I'm not supposed to be there now, and laid on my bed, memories of that night flooding into my head.

"_You __cheated __on me, Eli!" Julia shouted, crying._

"_Jules, I can expla-"_

"_No. No! I __hate __you! You're a mean, cold person! And a hypocrite! I never want to see you again!" She cried._

After that argument, Julia stormed out of my room, walking to her house, only to get cornered by a guy in an alley with a knife.

He killed her.

And it's all my fault.

Clare's POV

I was in the game room when Eli came in. His eyes were red and puffy, like he'd been crying, and I found myself longing to comfort him.

"Hey, Eli, what's wro-"

"Don't talk to me, Clare," he said, his voice cold.

"What? Why?" I asked, hurt and confused.

"Because. I don't like you, and I don't want to talk to you. So, leave me the hell alone, okay?" he growled, and stalked away. I just stood there, blinking away tears.

Of course he didn't want to be my friend! I'm disgusting. Fat. Ugly. Like K.C. said…

"Clare? You okay?" Adam said, snapping me into reality. "It's almost time for dinner."

I nodded and followed him into the cafeteria, putting some food on my plate. I looked around, my gaze meeting Eli's. He glared at me and looked down. My chin quivered and I bit my lip to prevent tears from spilling.

"Why aren't you eating?" Adam asked, noticing that I hadn't eaten; I just pushed food around on my plate, not daring to bring any to my mouth.

"I'm not hungry…"

Eli's POV

I wish I had my razor blade right now. I hurt people; that's all I'll ever do. Cutting helped me relieve the guilt of the pain I caused.

_Julia_. I cheated on her. She left when she found out, and I just let her walk by herself in the middle of the night, when I should have given her a ride home anyway. Because of that, she's dead.

_Clare_. I hurt her, too. I could see it in her eyes, when I told her to leave me alone, and again, at dinner. She was in pain. Because of me.

I'm a terrible person.

I don't deserve to be alive.

I wish my mom hadn't come home early that day last month.

Because then I wouldn't be here, living in this nightmare.

I'd be dead.

**A/N: So there it is…I kinda like how this turned out, because you saw into both of their thoughts. And I know this might seem a bit vague at times, but I want it to be that way; I don't want to reveal EVERYTHING at once. So I'm gonna give subtle hints..**

**I'm going to TRY to update Friday, if I'm persuaded with reviews...haha.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the short chapter, and thanks to all who review/alert!**

Eli's POV

I hated living this way. I wanted, no, _needed_ to feel the sharp blade being dragged across my skin. I needed to find something to replace it, but I didn't know what.

Then, I got an idea. There was only _one_ place I could think of that had what I wanted.

I walked into the game room to see only a few people lounging around; Clare and Adam were playing cards and Fitz was watching T.V. _Fitz. _Just who I wanted to see.

I approached him and stood in front of the T.V., blocking his vision.

"Hey, man, what're you doin'?" He yelled, throwing a pillow at me.

"Hey, psycho," I said, provoking a fight. He quickly stood up, shoving me.

"What's your problem?" He asked, backing me into a wall.

Clare's POV

"What's your problem?" Fitz asked Eli, cornering him.

"You," Eli said, and that just set Fitz off. I saw him punch Eli in the face, hearing a loud _smack_.

"I knew you hated me!" Fitz yelled and his face turned red.

I jumped up and gasped and Adam did the same. I watched as Fitz continued beating him, while Eli did nothing to defend himself; I even caught him _smiling_. That confused me – why would he _smile_ at a time like this?

A few seconds later, two (male) nurses came and broke up the fight. One grabbed Eli while the other grabbed Fitz, dragging them down a hallway.

I really don't know why, but I followed them. They took Eli into the nurse's office and left him by himself, and I contemplated leaving, but then I got a good look at his face.

The left side of his face was bruised and his bottom lip was split. His left eye was swollen shut, but his right eye was open. I remembered what he told me earlier, about not talking to him, but I didn't care. I had an overwhelming urge to go to him and try to make him feel better.

So I did.

When he saw me, he rolled his eyes (well, _eye_). "Clare, I told you to leave me alone," he said, but it didn't sound convincing. I had caught a glimmer of happiness when I walked in, giving me hope.

"I don't think you really want me to leave…" I replied, sitting next to him. I grabbed his hand, and he pulled away. My eyes stung with tears.

"You're right. I don't. I want you to stay," he said softly. My heart filled with hope at his words. I looked up at him through my lashes and he sighed. "It's just…You don't deserve me."

Oh. My heart dropped _again_. Feelings of rejection washed through me. Of course I didn't deserve him. He was smart and funny and incredibly attractive and I was none of those things. He deserved someone way better than I could ever _dream_ of being.

_Why did I come here? I should have left it alone, _I thought as I got up.

"O-Oh. We-Well, I guess I'll just go…" I said, going to the door. I seriously didn't know why I even got my hopes up.

Eli's POV

She was walking away from me. She didn't feel the same way. I had been ready to open up, to let some happiness into my life.

I told her she didn't deserve me. Which is true. She deserves someone so much better. I guess she agreed with me, because she left and never looked back.

I bit my lip, trying not to cry, and looked around for the object I wanted. I found it on her desk, along with pens and pencils. I grabbed the scissors, placing them in the waistband of my pants just before Nurse Rachel came in.

She didn't say anything to me, just cleaned me up and gave me ice, sending me on my way with a disapproving look. I knew I would be talking to Dr. Johnson about this first thing tomorrow morning.

I wandered into my room, sliding down the wall on to the floor. I took the scissors out and opened it up, running it along my arm, thinking of Julia.

I remember when they called me into the station for questioning. I had to give them my statement, and I was shown pictures of what happened to her. She was sprawled out on the ground, 14 knife wounds, all leaking blood. I did that to her. I would never get that image out of my head. I cut myself again, and watched the small bead of blood form and sighed happily at the familiar sting.

I washed myself off, storing the scissors under my pillow. I fell asleep feeling relieved, thinking that maybe I could handle being here after all.

**A/N: Guess what? It's my BIRTHDAY. So you should pretty please review, as a present. It would make this the best birthday everrr :) haha.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Your reviews were so amazing and nice. You guys are awesome, I love you ALL! Haha. & You totally made my birthday the _best_! :) Thanks much! **

**Disclaimer: I own this pretty new ring I just got for my birthday, but I don't own Degrassi. **

Eli's POV

The next day, Clare avoided me. I tried to tell myself I was fine and that it didn't bother me, but it really did. It hurt sitting across from her in group therapy (which is where we are now) and not being able to talk to her.

_I deserve this_, I thought for the umpteenth time today.

"Clare, are you okay?" Dr. Johnson asked.

"I'm fine. Just…tired," Clare responded, her voice weak.

_Don't look at her, _I ordered myself, struggling to keep my gaze fixed on the floor. I was afraid if I looked at her, I would start talking to her again, which would not end well.

Despite my efforts, I glanced quickly at her. The sight I saw surprised me. The normally put-together Clare Edwards seemed to have disappeared. She was wearing no make up (not that she needed it), her curls were flat, and had bags under her puffy eyes. She was a mess.

_Why was she crying? _I wondered, gazing at her tear stained face. Her eyes locked with mine for a split second until she sighed and looked to the left. She wouldn't even look at me for more than 3 seconds; that was like a slap in the face.

When group therapy was over, I was conflicted. I wanted to talk to Clare, to see what was wrong, to hold her. But then I thought about Julia, whose life was ripped away from her by some psychopathic killer.

Yesterday I was ready to tell Clare how I felt. To tell her how much I loved talking to her, and that when she smiled it melted my heart. I was even considering letting her in on my past, when not even Dr. Johnson knows how I really feel. I _almost _thought that I deserved a little bit of happiness. But then she left.

I'll take that as a sign that I'm not meant to be happy.

I decided to leave Clare alone.

Clare's POV

Staying away from Eli is the hardest thing I've ever done. I feel such a connection toward him; it's like a magnet being attracted to metal. I keep getting pulled in to him.

But he doesn't like me. He's told me that on more than one occasion. I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking, so when I bumped into someone, I jumped in surprise.

"Sorry, sorry," I said before realizing who it was.

"It's okay," Eli mumbled, looking down. "I wasn't paying attention," he finished.

"Me either," I said quietly. There was an awkward silence, and he turned to leave but I grabbed his arm, surprising him and even myself. "Can I, uh, ask you a question?"

He smirked. "You just did." My heart started beating faster at his sarcastic comment. It was like we were back to normal.

I rolled my eyes. "_Another_ question, then?" I asked. He looked uneasy but nodded nonetheless. "Why…" I took a deep breath. I could not believe I was doing this. "Why did you…reject me yesterday?" I asked in a quiet voice, not looking up.

I think I asked him because I wanted to see if his answer was anything like K.C.'s. I really hoped it wasn't.

He was silent for a few minutes, and I cautiously peeked up at him. His eyebrows were pinned together in confusion.

"I didn't reject you, Clare. _You_ rejected _me_," he said.

My mouth fell open. "I did not! You told me that you were too good for me. Which I know, because you're cute and built and clever and I'm no-"

"Woah, woah woah. I said none of those things," he disagreed.

"Yes, you did!" I persisted, but he kept shaking his head no.

"No, what I said was you don't deserve me. Because you don't! I'm a terrible person, Clare. I'm broken. Fucked up. 'Mentally unstable', as Dr. Johnson put it. You need a guy that's better. Someone that can make you happy, someone that can make you laugh." He paused, running a hand through his hair. "_I'm_ not good enough for _you_," he finished.

I stood there in shock. "So…you didn't mean…" I trailed off, lost in my thoughts, and looked down again.

"Didn't mean what?" He asked, lifting my chin up to meet his eyes.

"I thought…when you said that, you meant I didn't deserve you since you were so perfect, and I'm not…" I mumbled pathetically. I averted my gaze to the wall behind him.

He chuckled, and my cheeks burned. "Clare, Clare, Clare. That was the exact _opposite_ of what I meant. Although I guess I can see where you took that the wrong way… look at me, please," he said when he noticed I was still staring at the wall.

I hesitantly looked back into his eyes. They were bright, brighter than I had ever seen them. "You. Are. Perfect. Don't ever doubt that," he whispered. My stomach erupted in butterflies when he said that.

I was about to respond, but before I could even start my sentence, he crashed his lips to mine.

**AHW. So this is a tiny cliffhanger, I guess. Hmm, I wonder how Clare will react to this kiss? Or how ELI will react after he realizes what he did? And what's all this stuff with Clare and K.C.? Guess you'll have to wait 'till next chapter! Reviews will make me update faster!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: SO Sorry for the late update! I seriously was planning on updating sooner, but I had so much homework this week. Like, more than I've EVER had. It sucked, haha. Anyway, I hope this chapter makes up for it! AND THANKS TO YOUR WONDERFUL REVIEWS. THEY ARE SO GREAT! **

Eli's POV

Oh my god. I was actually kissing Clare. And she was kissing me back. She snaked her arms around my neck as I put mine around her waist, pulling her closer to me. She ran her hands along my shoulders, and then moved to my chest, then up my arms. As she did that, she glided over one of my cuts.

I hissed and pulled away quickly, Clare looking at me in confusion. Her face was red, and her pink lips parted slightly. "D-Did I do something wrong?" she asked, voice quivering, like she was about to cry. I mentally slapped myself.

"No, no, it's not you…I just…" I trailed off. If I told her about my cutting, she would surely leave me.

"Eli, what's wrong? You can tell me," she said.

I looked into her eyes, and was slightly taken aback at the amount of sincerity in them. _She actually cared about me._ My gut told me that she wouldn't leave me and that I should trust her. "I-I'll tell you…just…not here, okay? Come with me," I said, taking her hand in mine and leading her down a hallway.

I seriously hope that my instincts aren't wrong.

Clare's POV

I was being pulled down the hallway by Eli, wondering what was upsetting him so much when we stopped in front of a door.

"Uh, where are we exactly?" I asked, since I had never been down this way before.

"My room," he answered.

"Oh." Well that explained why I hadn't been down here before; it was strictly prohibited for girls to be in boys' rooms and for boys to be in girls' rooms.

I must have looked uneasy because Eli quickly added, "Don't worry; we're not going to get caught. And we're just talking anyway."

I nodded, hoping he was right, and stepped inside. It looked just like my room, except there was only one bed. "Do you not have a roommate?" I inquired and he shook his head no.

I wanted to know why he got a room by himself but before I could ask he sat down on his bed and patted the spot next to him. "Sit here," he said and I complied. He took a deep breath, and looked me in the eyes.

"Clare…This isn't going to be pretty, okay?" he stated, looking worried. I nodded.

"I understand. Just know that I'm here for you, and you can tell me whatever you want. And if you're not ready to tell me everything, it's okay," I replied. He looked relieved, and he pressed his lips to mine.

"That means so much to me, Clare. Thank you," he said, making my heart flutter. It felt so great to be needed by someone.

"Alright, I was 14 when I first started dating Julia. We were exactly alike. We listened to the same kind of music, liked the same authors, and basically had the same personality," he started, and his voice started to quiver a little bit. "We were dating for about a year when I walked in on her...having s-sex with my brother, Nathan."

He paused, letting a tear roll down his cheek. I wiped it away, kissing him lightly. He glanced at me, smiling softly. "I was so mad. How could she do that to me? How could _he_ do that to me? He's my brother! He betrayed me! When I found them like that, I-I snapped. I called Julia a whore and Nathan a backstabber. I didn't talk to either of them for a month. I ignored all of their apologies."

Eli stopped talking again, looking deep in thought. "You don't have to finish talking, if you don't want to," I said quietly.

"No, no. It's okay. I want you to know. Anyway, after about a month, I took Julia back and forgave Nathan. But a few months after that, I was at a party, and this girl came up to me and we started flirting. Her name was Tracy, and I…slept with her."

He shook his head, looking down. "I-I'm not proud of what I did," he said, his voice breaking. "Julia found out and we got into an argument. She called me a hypocrite, which was pretty accurate. I gave her such a hard time about cheating on me and then I cheated on her. After that, she left. I should have given her a ride home; it was dark. On her way home, s-she ran into a guy with a knife. H-He stabbed her 14 times."

I gasped. "It's my fault! T-The police said it took her a w-while to die b-because he didn't stab any of her organs. She died a slow and painful death! Because of ME!" He yelled, breaking down into sobs.

"Eli, Eli, it isn't your fault, you didn't do anything," I tried to comfort him, wiping the tears off of his face.

"IT IS MY FAULT! I LET HER LEAVE MY HOUSE, ALONE, IN THE DARK. AND SHE GOT MURDERED! IT'S MY FAULT!" He screamed at me, eyes blazing. "SHE WAS MY ONE TRUE LOVE, AND NOW SHE'S GONE!"

Ouch. _His one true love._ That was a slap in the face.

"So, what am I then?" I asked.

"You're just another girl. You'll never be Julia," he said coldly.

Another slap in the face.

"Y-You just told me I was perfect though," I replied, trying to swallow the huge lump in my throat. _It's my fault for believing him in the first place. I don't amount to anything, and it was just a matter of time before he realized that. Too bad he realized how worthless I was __sooner__ rather than later, _I thought to myself.

"I lied." I looked into his eyes, to see if maybe this was just some sick joke, but all I saw was emptiness. While they had been bright a few minutes before, they were now a dark, lifeless green.

"T-This is it! I am s-s-so sick of guys leading me on, making me believe I was _special_, when in the end all they do is hurt me! I'm sick of being in second place all the time! You j-just…" I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. "You broke my heart," I finished softly, and he didn't even flinch at my words.

I spun on my heel and walked to the door, fighting tears still. I didn't want to cry in front of him; I couldn't let him know he hurt me.

I opened the door, but before I left I turned around to face him once more.

"I-I hate you," I said, and stormed out.

**A/N: So, I know this chapter is depressing and stuff, but it's necessary to move the story along. _I'M TRYING TO MAKE THIS REALISTIC_. Eli won't be able to get over his past that quickly; it's going to be a pretty long and painful process. But while Eli's trying to sort everything out, he's having break downs and lashing out at Clare, who's having a hard time,too. **

**AHH! Will the drama EVER end? I dunno...Maybe you should review, and I'm going to try to have chapter seven up by Sunday or Monday.! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Here's chapter 7! On Monday, like I said!**

******I know this is short and kinda leaves off on a cliffhanger, but I have SO much homework and this was all I could finish :/**  


Eli's POV

_I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. _These words circled around in my head all night, not allowing me any sleep. I didn't think three words could hurt someone so much, but they did.

I lied to Clare when I said she was just another girl. She was so much more than that. I could actually see myself being happy with her, being _in love_ with her. I trusted her; I almost told her about my suicide attempt and that I cut myself.

When I realized what I was about to tell her, I panicked. I'm afraid. I'm scared to trust someone again, because last time I did, it resulted in my own broken heart and a lost life. I didn't want Clare to hurt me, and more importantly I didn't want to hurt her like I hurt Julia.

At 7:00 the next morning, I got ready and headed to room 1, where group therapy was being held. I was the first one in there and took my usual seat, waiting for everyone else to arrive. When Clare walked in, I offered her a weak smile but she just glared at me.

I noticed that her eyes were red and puffy again, and I knew it was because of me. I feel like such a dick. I fixed everything the last time, but I doubt I would be able to this time. I didn't even know why I wanted to fix it again. I didn't want to hurt her anymore, but I needed her.

Dr. Johnson started the session, asking me if I'd like to share, to which I said no, like always. She asked Clare, and after she also declined, she said, "Are you sure?"

"Uhm…I don't really know what to say," Clare admitted, I saw her blushing slightly.

"How about you talk about something that you feel went wrong in your life? And we could all offer support. It would be a good way to get comfortable about sharing things in the future," Dr. Johnson replied.

"U-Uh, I don't know if I can do that…" Clare said when Adam cut her off.

"It's okay, Clare. You were there for me, so I'll be here for you," he told her, placing his hand on her shoulder. I felt my stomach knot with jealousy. I didn't want any other guy's hands on her.

She smiled lightly as the others in the group also said they would be there for her, and my stomach tightened with even more jealousy when I watched Fitz place _his_ hand on her other shoulder. If I could get away with it, I would have punched Fitz as hard as I could.

"I…O-Okay, well everything first started going downhill when my dad left my mom and me three years ago. My mom…she changed after that," Clare said, looking down. "She was always moody, and took all of her anger out on me." She paused and sniffed, closing her eyes as one tear leaked out.

"S-She would t-tell me that it was _my_ fault dad left. Because I wasn't a g-good enough daughter. I never really thought it was true until I met K.C. He was so cute, and he was nice for awhile. But every time I would try to talk to him about my dad, he would wave me off. He d-d-didn't even care! Nobody cared; my mom sure as hell didn't! She still blamed everything on _me_!" She cried, and her bottom lip quivered.

"K.C. said he 'loved' me but h-he obviously didn't. His friends would make fun of me, calling me fat and gross, and he would _agree_ with them! O-Once he made a list about the 25 things he h-h-hated about me and stuck it in my locker. Do you know how it feels t-to think someone cares about you but they r-really just make your life a living hell?" She asked, and broke down.

She buried her face in her hands, sobbing loudly. Adam scooted over to her, rubbing her back, but she flinched at his touch.

"I gotta go," she muttered and ran out of the room.

I sat there, dumbfounded in my seat. I didn't understand how someone could be so mean to someone as sweet as Clare.

_But, you did the same thing, too, _I reminded myself as memories of last night flooded into my head.

Knowing about Clare's past made me feel even more terrible about the things I said. Now I understood what she said about guys always hurting her…and I did more damage. She said I broke her heart. When she said that, I did my best to keep my composure but the minute she left I had my scissors out and was crying. The guilt I felt at that moment made me want to throw up.

"I'm gonna go," I said a minute later, and Dr. Johnson gave me a confused look.

"Eli, you need to sta-" she started, but I was out the door before she could finish. I needed to see Clare, to explain.

I just hoped she would listen.

And I _really _hoped I wouldn't screw it up. Again.

**Next chapter should be better! AND LESS DEPRESSING. Haha.**

******Please please please review? :) **  



	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: YOUR REVIEWS ARE SO GREAT. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH (:**_

**Ugh, this is so short. I'm really sorry about that, but I have these huge state graduation tests ALL WEEK. FML.**

**Reviews would make me really happy and if I get a lot I'll try to update ASAP! :)**

Clare's POV

After I ran out, I calmed down a little bit. I stopped crying, trying to hold it all in, and started walking down the hallway when I heard my name being called.

"Clare! Wait!"

I ignored the familiar voice and quickened my pace, only to hear the footsteps behind me do the same. I rolled my eyes when Eli finally caught up to me, pulling me to the side.

"Clare, listen. I need to apol-"

"Cut the crap, Eli," I said, not letting him finish. I didn't want to hear what he had to say; I was afraid that if I listened I would go back to him, and he would just hurt me again. He looked shocked, and I continued. "How can you expect me to listen to your apology? You've led me on, made me think you actually cared about me, then reject me in the harshest ways possible!"

"But, Clare, I didn't mean anything I said," he replied, and I glared at him.

"I don't believe you. You've hurt me more than once, in such a short period of time! You're…You're just like K.C.!" I yelled, tears making my vision blurry. I frantically wiped them away, only to see Eli's eyes filled with hurt.

He reached out to me, but I smacked his hand away. For the second time that day, I ran down the hallway, wanting to escape everything.

Eli's POV

After Clare took off running, I debated following her. One side of me said to leave, that I've done enough damage already, and that I have no chance of fixing anything.

But the other side yearned to go after her, and to comfort her, even if she didn't forgive me. Because I loved her, and all I want to do is make her happy, even if I'm miserable.

I chose to go after her.

Clare's POV

I reached the bathroom a minute later, praying that nobody saw me go in; I didn't want to get in trouble. I ran in and went into a stall, not bothering to close the door.

I didn't hear the door opening, signaling that another person walked in. All of my thoughts were on every insult K.C. or his friends ever said to me, and what Eli said into me last night.

I knelt down and stuck my finger down my throat, throwing up the little I had in my stomach. I grabbed some toilet-paper and wiped my mouth, and then flushed the toilet.

I stood up, feeling much better.

Until I saw Eli, standing behind me, his mouth hanging open in horror.

**JUST POSTED THE FIRST CHAPTER TO MY NEW STORY : Victimology. FULL SUMMARY: **

**Clare & Eli are partners in the chemistry they share is undeniable, but the FBI has rules that prohibit romantic relationships between they be able to resist each other? What happens when the serial killer they're after targets Clare?**

**If it sounds like you might like it, go check it out!  
THANKS!:) **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Your reviews are just amazing. Thank you all so much!  
**

**Also, I'd just like to say that I'm dedicating this whole entire story to we-will-not-fall-down, because she has reviewed EVERY CHAPTER of EVERY ONE OF MY STORIES! And she's a great writer! So you should read her stories, they're awesome! (:**

Eli's POV

I just stood there in shock. I couldn't believe what I just saw: Clare, my beautiful Clare, _making herself throw up_.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "This is the _girl's_ bathroom." Her voice was small and weak when she spoke.

I ignored her question and asked her one of my own. "Clare…why?" I wanted to understand why she would do that! She's so skinny, and it's not healthy.

"It's none of your business."

"Well, considering I just witnessed it, I'm pretty sure it just _became_ my business. You need to stop doing this to yourself!" I said, and she narrowed her eyes at me.

"Don't tell me what to do."

"It's not healthy! Clare, why would you do this?"

"I said it's none of your busi-" she started, but I cut her off.

"Damn it Clare! It _is_ my business when the girl I'm in love with is doing this to herself!" I shouted, my voice echoing.

Clare didn't respond; she just stared at me, her eyes wide. I felt my face get hot. I didn't mean to say that; I had only known her for a few weeks! But being with her just felt so…right. Like it was meant to be.

Before she had a chance to say anything, a nurse, whose name was Audrey, came barging in. "Elijah! Clare! What's going on?" she screeched, looking _really_ pissed off.

"I-I…u-uh," Clare stuttered while I remained quiet.

"You two should know the rules by now! One, you need supervision to go to the bathroom. Two, boys and girls are not allowed to be alone together!" Audrey sighed, and then continued. "As a punishment, both of you will be on cafeteria clean up duty for a week."

I groaned loudly. That was the _worst _job ever; there was always food all over the tables and the floor. It was disgusting, to be honest.

Audrey glared at me. "For that, you now have _two_ weeks." I rolled my eyes mentally (I didn't want to have _three_ weeks of clean up duty).

Audrey led us to the cafeteria, since they were serving dinner already. She lectured us the whole time about trust and respect or something, but I wasn't really listening. I was mainly thinking about how to help Clare.

AFTER DINNER

"Here are the brooms, mops and other cleaning supplies," Dave, the custodian, said to Clare and me. We nodded and got to work.

We were almost done cleaning when I finally decided to break the awkward silence. "Clare, please tell me why," I begged. In order to help her, I needed to know why she did it.

She sighed. "Because."

"Because why?" I pressed, feeling like I was in 4th grade again.

"Because. Because I'm fat! I hate my body! It's so…gross. I just want to be beautiful!" she said, tears filling her eyes.

My heart broke when I heard those words. I never knew she felt so badly about herself, and I knew that everything I said to her must have made it worse. It hurt me to think that she didn't see her own beauty, because she was the most gorgeous person I've ever met.

I dropped my sponge and walked over to her, embracing her in a hug. She tried to push me away but I held her tighter, and she eventually gave in, sobbing in my chest. "Clare, you're beautiful. And definitely not gross or fat," I whispered, and I felt her shake her head.

"Y-Yes I a-am," she cried, and I was about to disagree with her but we were interrupted (again) by Audrey.

"Time for bed!" she said.

"Can we have a minute, please?" I asked her, looking at Clare, who was still crying uncontrollably.

"Sorry, but no. Come on, Clare," Audrey said and Clare pulled away from me, leaving me feeling empty. The three of us walked down the hallway, taking Clare to her room first, and I kept a mental note of where it was.

She opened the door and was about to go in, but hesitated. She pulled a folded piece of worn out paper out of her pocket and handed it to me.

I looked at her in confusion but she turned around and went in her room, not saying a word. Audrey dropped me off at my room and I immediately lay down on my bed, unfolding the paper.

The top had_: 25 things I hate about Clare Edwards_ scrawled on it in messy handwriting.

My stomach clenched in fury as I realized this was what she had been talking about earlier. It made me upset to think that she actually _kept it_, too. It was so worn out I bet she probably read it all the time. I read the first bullet point, which read:

1.) Your body. You're so fat – maybe you should quit eating so much and go to the gym!

So _this_ was where Clare got that stupid idea that she was fat. I read the rest of the list, and by the time I was done I was fuming. I wanted to find this guy and hit him so hard he wouldn't even remember who he was.

I tossed and turned in my bed for about two hours, trying to get my mind off of that damn list. It wasn't working, but I got an idea on how to maybe help Clare overcome this.

I grabbed some paper and my pen, and began to write. When I was satisfied with what I wrote, I snuck out in the hallway, making my way to Clare's room. I slid it under the door when Audrey came around the corner.

_Damn. Does she freaking stalk me or something? _I thought to myself as she called out to me.

"Elijah Goldsworthy! Breaking yet _another_ rule!" she said. She was starting to really annoy me.

"Let me guess. I now have _three_ weeks of clean up," I said, rolling my eyes.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "No. You now have _four_ weeks of clean up. And no T.V. for a week!" she replied, and took me back to my room. Cleaning sucked, but as long as Clare liked what I wrote, then it was all worth it.

THE NEXT MORNING: Clare's POV

When I woke up, I thought about Eli. I couldn't believe he said he loved me. It honestly made me feel all happy inside, but I was still hesitant. I still don't trust him. I gave him that list because I wanted to prove to him that I _was_ all of those things, since he kept disagreeing with me.

After lying in bed for 15 minutes, I finally got up and was surprised to see a piece of paper with my name on the front. I opened it up, and read the first paragraph. It said:

_Clare,_

_Listen, I am still so sorry about the things I said that night. I didn't mean any of it. I just… I was afraid. I was scared of my feelings for you. I haven't felt like this since Julia, and I was afraid I'd hurt you the way I hurt her...I read that list you gave me. None of it is true. I promise. You __are__ beautiful. _

Underneath that was a list with the heading: _25 things I **love **about Clare Edwards_.

**A/N: AHW! Eli made her a list of the top things he loved about her! HOW SWEET! 3**

**THIS WAS A LONG CHAPTER! I worked SUPER hard on it, so please review! (:**


	10. Chapter 10

**Over 100 reviews! I love all of you guys. Really. Sorry for taking forever with this chapter! Thank you to we-will-not-fall-down for reminding me that I was taking forever to update. Haha. **

Clare's POV

I started reading Eli's list, and by the time I finished, I was crying. But, for the first time in a very long time, they weren't sad tears; they were tears of happiness.

Smiling, I put my letter in my pocket and walked to the cafeteria. I looked around for Eli, and saw him eating alone. I made my way to his table, sitting across from him. His head was down so he didn't notice I was there until I cleared my throat.

Eli's POV

"Clare! Hey, um, di-did you get my no-note?" I stuttered. _Damn. Get yourself together, Goldsworthy. Just calm down_, I thought, not wanting to make myself look like an idiot by stammering.

She nodded, and smiled. "It was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. Thank you so much, Eli," she said sincerely and I could feel my cheeks heat up.

"N-No problem," I stuttered again and mentally cursed myself. Why was I getting so nervous around her all of a sudden? _Probably because you told her you LOVE her and she didn't say it back! _I reminded myself. _That's because you were such a dick to her! _

Oh, God. Here I am, _talking to myself_. Maybe I really am crazy…

Interrupting my thoughts, Clare spoke, "Eli?"

"Hmm?" I said, distracted.

"Didn't you hear what I said?" She asked and I shook my head no.

"I _said _that it's going to be hard to trust you again. That list was so sweet, and made me feel like I was actually…_worth _something. I want to give you another chance, but I'm scared. I-I just don't want to get hurt again, Eli," she finished.

"I won't hurt you, I promise," I said, and she smiled sadly.

"I want to believe you, Eli, I really do. But-"

"Clare, I swear to you that I will never hurt you again. Please, give me another chance. Just one more," I pleaded, and she looked down.

I sighed and stood up, moving to the seat directly next to her. She was still avoiding my gaze, so I titled her face up to mine. "Please, Clare. I'll do anything to prove to you that I will _not_ hurt you," I said and she bit her lip.

"Alright…One more chance," she told me and I beamed. My heart fluttered as I realized I actually have a chance at fixing my life, with Clare by my side.

"One more chance," I repeated, and pressed my lips to hers.

Clare's POV

When Eli kissed me, it was different than the first kiss. That first kiss was tentative and short, whereas this one was passionate and long.

I broke away to breathe and looked at Eli. He was still grinning, and he gave me a quick peck on the lips before pulling me up.

"What are we-" I began to ask, but Eli answered me before I finished.

"Getting food," he stated simply and I felt my stomach drop.

"U-Uh…" I stammered, and Eli seemed to understand.

"Clare, you need to eat. Come on," he said, pulling me to the line.

"I can't. Eli, I can't," I whimpered, tears blurring my vision. The thought of eating almost made me have a panic attack. My breathing became labored and my heart rate sped up.

"Yes, you can. I'll be right here with you."

I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. They were full of love, and that made me feel stronger. "Okay."

He smiled. "Okay!" He got me two fried eggs with toast. We sat down at the table and I hesitantly grabbed my fork.

I took about three bites when I had the urge to run into the bathroom and throw up. I set my fork down and pushed my plate away.

"I'm done," I announced.

"I think you should eat a little more," Eli said, looking at my plate.

"I'm not hungry."

"Just eat one egg and you can be done," he told me, using a voice a parent would use with his toddler. I sighed and did as he suggested.

I was contemplating sneaking away to the bathroom when Eli spoke once again. "Clare, I just want to let you know that I'm proud of you. I know this can't be easy, and I just want to let you know that I lov-…I mean, I'm here for you."

"Thanks," I replied, feeling guilty for even thinking about throwing up again.

We cleaned up the mess, and were walking in the hallway when I saw a huge spider crawling next to me.

I. Hate. Spiders.

I shrieked and grabbed Eli's arm, causing him to groan. I barely noticed this, though, as I was focused on that hairy spider that could possibly crawl all over me. "Kill it! Eli, kill it!" I yelled and watched in satisfaction as he stomped on it.

I breathed a sigh of relief and turned to thank him, when I saw that he was holding his arm, face contorted in pain. "What's wrong?" I asked, and he didn't answer.

I grabbed his arm, and he tried to yank it away from me but I had a firm grip. "Don't," he said, but I ignored him. I lifted his sleeve up to see long, pink cuts.

There were so many. Some were long, some were short. The majority of them looked to be old, but there were others that looked recent. "E-Eli…Wh-What-" I couldn't finish, because he ripped his arm away from me.

Without a word, he ran away from me. I turned around, bumping into Dr. Johnson, causing her papers to go flying everywhere.

"Sorry, sorry," I said as I helped her pick everything up.

"Don't worry about it. I was actually looking for you. I have good news!"

I didn't reply, just stared at her in confusion. "Your dad called. He'll be coming by to see you tomorrow!" she exclaimed and my eyes widened.

"M-My d-dad?" I choked out and she nodded. "Great," I said meekly.

"Mhmm. I have to go now, but don't forget about our appointment in an hour!"

"I won't," I replied and went back to my room, lying on my bed.

My dad was coming tomorrow. My dad, who _abandoned_ me, who never sent a birthday card, or called, or came to visit, wants to see me tomorrow.

Fantastic.

**A/N: ****Next chapter, you meet Clare's piece of shit dad! And so does Eli! You all know what that means! CLARE'S CRAPPY DAD + PROTECTIVE ELI = DRAMA. **

_**********Also, someone said she wanted to read the list of the 25 mean things & the 25 nice things, and I was wondering if anyone else would be interested in reading that? Let me know in a review! :) & tell me if you'd want to see it actually incorporated INTO the story, or if at the end I add the two lists on as bonus chapters or something. THANKS! :)**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. Ah, your reviews/alerts/favorites are fantastic. I love them. Thanks much (:**

Clare's POV

"So, Clare, are you excited about seeing your dad tomorrow?" Dr. Johnson asked me. I had just spent an hour in my room trying to figure out _why _he would come in the first place, and now I was in her office for my session.

"Uh, yeah…"

She looked at me. "You don't sound very convincing," she noted and I sighed.

"No. No, I'm not excited to see him. He left me three years ago without an explanation or a goodbye! He never tried to contact me or anything. I don't know why he's here and frankly I don't care. I don't want to see him."

"I see. Are you sure you don't want to see him? Not even to get answers?" She asked and I was about to tell her that I never want to see him, but she had a point. I've spent so long wondering why he left, and I might actually be able to know why.

"I-I guess I could ask him why. I mean, he owes me an answer! It's not fair that he just left, making my life a living hell!" I said, now furious.

Dr. Johnson nodded, and for the rest of my session we talked about my dad. I never realized I had so much resentment built up toward him.

I walked out of her office, actually feeling better. It was really nice to have someone listen to me for once.

Eli's POV

I was walking around, trying to stay away from Clare. I didn't want her to see my scars, not yet anyway. I just wasn't ready… I'm afraid she'll leave me.

I rounded the corner when I heard the beautiful voice I've been trying to avoid. "Eli! Eli, wait!" I sighed and stopped walking.

"Yes?" I said, probably a bit too harshly.

"We should talk…Can we go to your room?"

I nodded and led the way to my room. We went in and sat on the bed, like last time.

"So. We're here," I said, as a way to get Clare talking.

"Yeah… Uh, what I saw… Was it-"

"Yes. I cut myself," I answered before she finished her question. She gasped a little and her eyes widened. I looked down in shame; I didn't like people knowing what I did.

"W-Why?" She asked.

"Because I deserve to be hurt," I whispered.

Clare was quiet for a minute, and then spoke, her voice also barely above a whisper. "No, you don't."

I exhaled sharply. "Yes, I do. We've gone over this already. It's my fault Julia-"

"Stop!" Clare yelled, and I was surprised. She continued, her voice strong. "You need to stop! What happened to Julia was _not _your fault!"

She paused, and lowered her voice. "You need to understand that, Eli. It was a terrible, terrible accident, and nothing I say can change that. But you weren't the one with the knife."

I didn't say anything. I was trying to process her words – was she right? I didn't kill her, but I put her in the situation in the first place.

"If you don't stop blaming yourself…You're going to be unhappy for the rest of your life. Do you want that?"

"No…" I whispered, and I felt Clare's hand wipe away the tears on my face.

"Then stop," she said gently and lifted my sleeve up again. I wanted to pull away, but I didn't. I felt Clare trace my scars with her finger. "This looks recent," she noticed, ghosting over one cut.

"It is," I told her.

"How?" She asked.

"I-I stole a pair of scissors from the nurse's office," I admitted, feeling ashamed again.

"Where is it?"

"Under my pillow." She stood up and went to the other side of my bed, lifting up the pillow. She grabbed the scissors and returned to her seat next to me.

"I'm taking this. And I want you to promise that you won't do this to yourself again. I can't stand to see you hurt," Clare said and I felt my stomach tighten. I didn't know if I would be able to stop.

"I-I don't know, Clare…"

"Please, Eli."

I sighed again.

"Okay…Only if you promise to start eating, and stop making yourself throw up," I finally said, and almost smiled because I knew that if Clare was serious about wanting me to stop cutting, then she would have to agree.

Clare's POV

I froze. I didn't expect him to make that offer. "That's going to be really hard," I told him.

"It's going to be hard for both of us," he reminded me. I knew he was right. He was probably as addicted to cutting as I was to throwing up.

"Okay. I promise. On one condition. We have to be completely honest and open with each other. And we can't run away when it gets tough," I replied, and Eli nodded.

"Deal."

I smiled. "Let's shake on it!"

"Hmm… I think we should kiss on it," he said, smirking. Blushing bright red, I rolled my eyes, but pressed my lips to his, feeling blissful.

The Next Morning: Clare's POV

"Don't worry, Clare. It'll be fine, I'm right here," Eli whispered in my ear. We were in the lobby, waiting for my dad; I asked Eli if he would come with me and he agreed of course. Dr. Johnson was also here.

A moment later, I saw my dad, Randall, walking in. He looked the same, just a little older. Eli gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and I sent a grateful smile his way.

"Hello Mr. Edwards. I'm Dr. Johnson, the head psychologist here," she said and he nodded his head and said "hi".

"Hello, Clare," he greeted, and then looked at Eli. "And Clare's friend…?" he trailed off, leaving the sentence hanging in the air like a question.

"Hello, sir," Eli said while I stayed quiet.

"Aren't you gonna say hi to me, Clare?" he asked, disbelief written all over his face.

"Why would I?" I snapped and he looked confused again.

"Because I'm your father!"

"Pfft, right."

"Do you have something to say, young lady?" he said sternly and I about blew up.

"Excuse me? You have no right to talk to me like you're my dad!"

"I _am_ your dad!"

"Actually, you're not. You lost that title the day you walked out on me," I said harshly. "You left me with mom! She blamed everything on me! She said it was _my_ fault you left!"

He didn't respond. "_W-Was_ it my fault?"

He looked down and I fought back tears. "I just wanted some time alone. I wanted to live my life by myself," he explained.

"You mean w-without me? W-Was I not good enough?"

"Clare, that's not it. It wasn't about you; it was about me. I never really wanted a family. I only married your mom because she was pregnant with you, and I left because I realized I wasn't happy."

"You…You never wanted me? So you lied when you told me you loved me?" I asked and my voice broke on the last word.

He sighed and opened his mouth to talk, but I cut him off. "Why are you here? If you don't want me, why are you even spending time here talking to me?" I yelled.

"I know you're mad at me, but I'm still an adult, which means you need to respect me. So cut out the yelling."

"Woah. Hold on a minute," Eli stepped in, and I looked at his face. He looked absolutely pissed. "She doesn't need to respect you after what you just told her. I'm not going to stand here and watch you torment her with your words. She doesn't need this, and she sure as hell doesn't need you. This was a mistake and if I were you I'd just walk out now."

Randall had his mouth set in a line. "Now, listen here boy. I'm gonna let that one slide since I know you probably just said that so you can get in her pants tonight-" I gasped, shocked that he would think of me in that way.

"Don't talk about her that way!" Eli growled and took a step toward him.

"Alright, this is enough. Mr. Edwards, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Dr. Johnson said to him and he left, muttering curse words the whole time.

"Clare, would you like to come into my office and talk?" she asked.

I shook my head. "No, I'm fine. I'm just gonna go into my room, if that's okay?"

"That's fine," she replied and went back to her office.

"Are you okay?" Eli asked after she left.

I was about to tell him that I was fine, but I remembered our promise to be honest with each other. "No, I'm not. My mom was right, which means K.C. was right, which means I mean nothing," I said, looking down.

"That is not true at all, Clare," Eli told me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Didn't you read that list? That's proof!" I cried, burying my head into his chest.

"Those were all lies."

"Yeah, right," I said, rolling my eyes.

"They were! And I'll prove it."

"And how are you going to do that?" I asked, meeting his gaze.

"We're going to go in my room, and read that list together. And then I'm going to tell you _why_ everything he put on there is wrong."

**A/N: So, did you like this chapter? Since a lot of people said they wanted to see the lists, I'm adding it in there! Next chapter is gonna have Eli and Clare read the list K.C. made, and it's gonna have Eli say why he thinks everything is wrong, which means there's gonna be a lot of cuteness! (: The chapter after that is going to have them read the list Eli made! **

*****Now, I have a proposition for you. If I can get up to 145 reviews, I'll post the next chapter TOMORROW. If not, that's cool; I'll just post it later in the week. So, review if you want to! (:**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars.**

**You guys gave me so many reviews last chapter! And you made it to 145 so here's the chapter! That is amazing, I love you all. Thanks so much! **

_**Italics are the exact words he's reading from the list!**_

Clare's POV

I was sitting on Eli's bed watching him search for the list K.C. gave me. When he found it, he sat next to me. I was a little nervous about reading it; I knew I would feel…exposed. Like all of my major flaws were about to be put on display.

"Alright... Here we go. _1.) __Your body. You're so fat – maybe you should quit eating so much and go to the gym!"_ Eli scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Okay, first off, you are most definitely _not_ fat. You have an amazing body," he told me and gave me a quick kiss.

He didn't know it, but that little comment meant the world to me. I never liked my body in the first place, and to know that Eli found me physically attractive almost made me burst into tears of joy.

"2.) _Your hair. It's so long and frizzy_," he stated and looked confused. "Uh, your hair is short…"

I laughed softly. "Yeah, I cut it. It used to be really long but I decided to cut it…" I trailed off and I knew Eli understood why. I cut it because of K.C.'s insults. He frowned, upset with the idea and resumed talking.

"Well, I've never seen you with your long hair, but I love your cute curly hair." I blushed as he fingered a curl and then pecked me on the lips.

"_3.) Your mouth. Your lips are unnaturally huge._" Eli glanced at me. "This kid is stupid. Your lips are one of my favorite things about you! I could kiss them all day if you'd let me," he said and I giggled.

"Oh, goodness. Are you gonna bust out into a Bruno Mars song?" I teased and he smiled.

"Not now. Later, maybe," he said and winked. "But seriously. I really do love your lips…" he trailed off, staring at my mouth. I giggled again and he leaned in for another kiss, plunging his tongue in my mouth instantly.

"Okay," he breathed after our little make out session. "_4.) Your laugh. It's annoying and obnoxious. 5.) Your voice. It's also annoying and squeaky._ That is just dumb. I love your laugh and your voice. If we're being completely honest here, I should tell you that every time I hear your laugh and voice, it just makes my day."

I blushed again.

"Let's move on… _6.)Your arrogance. You think you're better than me and my friends. 7.) Your stupidity! You're not smart at all. 8.) Your clothes. You have the worst style; you wear a freaking uniform to school!_

"First: I find it extremely hard to believe you think you're better than anyone. Second: I know you're smart; you don't act like one of those ditzy girls, and I love that about you. I know I can actually hold a conversation with you. Not like some of the girls I know that are always like "Ohmygawd! Let's have a sleepover and gossip and stuff!"

I laughed at Eli's high pitched girly voice. "And stuff?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I have no idea what you girls do at your sleepovers…What do you do? Pillow fights in your underwear?" he asked, smirking and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"In your dreams!" I told him, laughing at his un-realistic thoughts.

He smiled. "So, you wore a uniform to school?" he asked and I felt my cheeks heat up again.

"Yeah…I wore my Catholic school uniform every day, even when I went to public school," I confessed and I saw Eli's eyes light up.

"A Catholic school uniform, huh? I hope you know that you can fulfill one of my wildest fantasies with that on…" He said and my eyebrows shot up.

"Eli!" I shrieked and he laughed.

"Kidding, kidding!" He replied, putting his hands up. "Kinda…" he mumbled under his breath.

"9. _I hate that you're boring and uninteresting. _

_10. I hate the way you try to shove your religion down people's throats._

_11. I hate your purity ring. Just so you know, if I ever want to sleep with you, I'm not gonna be held back by that damn purity ring. Chances are, though, that I will never want to sleep with you. I hate your body in clothes; I can only imagine how it would be without them." _Eli paused after reading this one; it was the worst on the list.

I looked down, once again humiliated by my body. I thought I would be used to the insults, but it's not something that anyone can ever get used to. Each bullet point on this list hurt me every time I read it.

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, Eli spoke. "Like I said before, you have an amazing body. And…I don't know how to say this without sounding a little bit like a perv, but… I'm sure you look fucking fantastic naked."

I laughed lightly and smiled. "Thanks," I whispered. What Eli said was…provocative, but that was okay since he was my boyfriend.

"Anytime," he replied, kissing my forehead. "_12.) I hate the way you bite your lip all the time; it's gross and shows weakness._ I actually find that really hot, by the way. It makes me want to kiss you," he said, and I bit my lip purposely and looked at him. He smirked. "I have a feeling this is your way of telling me that you want a kiss," he noted and I nodded.

He pressed his lips to mine again, only for a split second though and continued reading.

"_13.) I hate your eyes. They're such an ugly color. Jenna's eyes are much prettier. _Who's Jenna?" Eli asked and I sighed.

"She was the girl K.C. actually loved…They broke up and about a month after that he asked me out… So I'm pretty sure he just used me as a way to make her jealous."

Eli looked thoughtful for a moment, and then said, "Well, I've never met Jenna, but there is no way that someone has prettier eyes than you. Your eyes are so gorgeous. _14.) I hate your glasses; you look so geeky. 15.) I hate your braces. _Glasses_? _Braces_?" _Eli asked, once again confused.

"Yup. I got laser eye surgery and had my braces taken off this summer."

"I bet you looked cute!"

"Yeah…cute is not the word I would have used to describe myself."

"You're right," he said, and my heart sank a little bit. This is exactly what I had feared; he would now notice all of my flaws. "I would use the words 'dazzling' and 'stunning'. With or without glasses and braces."

I bit my lip (unintentionally, this time) to hold back my smile. "You're doing it again," he told me and I smiled. "Sorry," I said sheepishly.

"Uh huh, sure. I bet you're going to do that on purpose now just to drive me insane."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe," I said with a sly grin.

"It's a good thing I like kissing you! Anyway, number _16.) I hate your nose. It scrunches up weirdly when you smile._ What is this guy's problem? I love your cute little button nose! It's adorable!"

I don't know why, but the way Eli said that was just so…unlike him. I busted out laughing and he looked at me like I was crazy.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just that the mysterious Elijah Goldsworthy used the words 'cute' and 'adorable' within less than a minute," I explained, still laughing.

His cheeks tinted pink and he looked embarrassed for a second. He quickly gained composure, though, saying, "Ooohh, Elijah, huh? I usually don't like people calling me by my full name, but when you say it, it sounds oh so _sexy_."

I rolled my eyes, blushing again. "Do you have to make everything so sexual?"

He laughed. "Yes."

I rolled my eyes and we turned our attention back to the list. "17. _I hate your lack of sense of humor.18. I hate that you're so ordinary. You have no talents whatsoever. You're just plain.19. You're a terrible kisser. 20. __You're a shitty writer; I've read your English assignments, and they're horrible. 21. You're just weird. 22. You get upset over stupid things all the time! You're such a crybaby._

_23. You're clumsy and accident-prone. It's embarrassing to be seen with you. 24. You're so selfish; the only person you care about is yourself! 25. You're dishonest – it wouldn't surprise me if you fooled around with other guys on the weekend."_

"I don't know about you, but I think this guy is just a dumb-ass. Seriously. Selfish? Not even a little bit. None of these things are true; I don't know how he even came up with this shit. You, my sweet Clare, are breathtakingly beautiful, smart, talented, funny and kind. You're everything I've ever wanted," Eli told me sincerely and I blinked back tears.

I appreciated everything he said tonight. It made me feel wanted – something I've never truly experienced. But my feelings of hatred toward myself weren't going to go away that easily; it's like they've been ingrained in my mind.

Eli's POV

It had been torture reading this list. I was joking around with her, making everything seem light and fun, but on the inside I was fuming. Especially when I saw how affected she was by his harsh words; she looked so broken. I just wanted to take her in my arms and hold her forever.

"What's wrong?" I asked and she sighed.

"I-It's just hard to t-think that K.C. was w-wrong. I want to believe that these are all l-lies, but I don't know if I c-can. I've r-read this list every night for so long that I just can't help but think he was r-r-right," she admitted, looking down again.

"Clare, he was wrong about every single thing on there-"

"I k-know, it's just going to be hard to c-change the thoughts I have a-about myself."

I tilted her chin up, forcing her to look me in the eyes. "I wish you could see yourself through my eyes," I said sadly. "I think you will, though, eventually. I'm going to **make you realize your true beauty**. And we're going to start by doing this," I said, tearing the list in half. I handed it to Clare. "You finish. And then throw it away. You're never reading that again."

**A/N: So…There was the mean list…Was it satisfactory? Did you like Eli's reactions? I'm really anxious to see how you guys like this…So if you could review that would be absolutely TERIFFIC. (:**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Yes, I know that this is late. And I'm sorry :/ Also, I don't wanna post the nice list JUST YET, because basically everything on there is what Eli was telling Clare while reading the mean list. So it'd be too repetitive to put it in during _this_ chapter. I'll probably post it in a few chapters, alright?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi.**

**OH MY GOSH. RANDOM THOUGHT. DID YOU SEE THE PROMO FOR DROP THE WORLD? AHH! I wanna know where the hell Eli got that huge gun. Hahaha. Anyway, on to the chapter! (:**

Clare's POV

I ripped the list in half again, feeling a little better. I let a few tears escape as I tore it into a bunch of little pieces and looked up at Eli. His green eyes were full of tears, too.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I just hate that he hurt you," he said. "Now, throw that away." I got up and did as I was told, feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I wasn't quite ready to completely forget about it, but I knew that I was getting there.

"Feel better?" he asked and I nodded. "Good. Now that you did that, there are other things that have to be done for you to realize your true beauty."

"Like what?" I asked, feeling kind of skeptical. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at myself the way Eli seemed to look at me.

Eli's POV 

"Oh, you'll see," I said and smirked. I didn't want to tell her everything that we were going to do to get her confidence up; I wanted it to take her by surprise. "So," I said, changing the subject. "Since you're my girlfriend now, I think we need to go on a proper date," I told her, watching as her face lit up when I called her my girlfriend.

Clare smiled. "Well, Eli, since you're my boyfriend, I'd have to say that's a great idea," she said and I grinned. I never knew how **great** it would feel to have her call me her boyfriend. "But, that's not really possible since we're here…"

"Clare! Are you underestimating me?" I asked, feigning hurt.

She giggled. "Of course not! But c'mon. There's no way we can leave!"

As much as I hated to admit it, she had a point. "Then we'll have our perfect date here!"

She smiled. "How are you going to do that?"

"It's a surprise!" I told her, even though I had no idea what I was going to do. I hoped I could put something together by tomorrow night.

I glanced at the clock. "It's time for lunch," I told her and her face instantly dropped. I knew that this would be rough for her, but I was determined to be by her side.

I stood and offered her my hand, and smiled. She reluctantly got up and I planted a quick kiss on her lips, causing her to blush again.

We walked hand in hand to the cafeteria and got our sandwiches. I felt a sharp pang of jealousy when I saw that Adam kid waving Clare over and smiling goofily. I became more jealous when I saw Clare beam and drag me over to his table.

"Hey Adam!" she said brightly and sat down across from him as I sat next to her. "I don't know if you guys have officially met; Adam, this is Eli, my boyfriend, and Eli, this is Adam." I smiled when she introduced me as her boyfriend.

"Sup," he said, doing that head-nod all guys do.

"Sup," I replied, returning the nod. "Dude! Is that the new issue of The Goon?" I basically shouted.

"Yeah! My brother just sent it to me today!" Adam said excitedly, handing it to me.

Clare's POV

I laughed to myself as I watched Eli and Adam talk animatedly about comics. Alli came over, sitting next to Adam and mumbled a hello. She's been in one of her depressed moods for about a week, so she doesn't say much.

I picked up my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, feeling my stomach churn. I didn't want to eat it; I felt like I've been eating so much lately. I glanced at Eli and watched as he absently pushed up his sleeves, revealing some of his scars. I grimaced, not wanting to think about him doing that to himself.

_For Eli_, I thought to myself and took a bite. I chewed it slowly, and wanted to cry when I felt it slide down my throat. It was like I could feel myself getting fatter and fatter.

I think Eli sensed my discomfort, because he leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Clare, I'm so proud of you for eating. And I just want to tell you that you're beautiful."

I blushed, and took another bite. It was getting a little easier, but by the time I finished half of my sandwich I felt full. I guess my body wasn't used to keeping all of this food down. I know that I **need** to stop, before I cause serious damage to my health, but there's still a part of me that **never** wants to stop.

Eli's POV

I've been watching Clare from the corner of my eye all through lunch, and I can tell that she's really trying, which makes me extremely happy.

Alli looked really upset, and I could tell Adam felt bad about that by the way he kept glancing at her. "Hey, Alli, are you okay?" he finally asked, and she looked at him and burst into tears.

Adam had this horrified look on his face, and I bet I had the same expression. I hate it when girls cry; it makes any guy feel terrible.

Clare instantly went to her side and grabbed her hand. "Come on, let's go to our room," she said to her and Alli stood up.

"I'm sorry," Adam said, looking guilty.

"Don't worry, it's not your fault," Clare told him, and he nodded. "We're just gonna go back to our room. I'll talk to you guys later."

"Okay," I said, and she kissed my cheek and told Adam goodbye. "So, Adam, you wanna help me out?" I asked when they were out of earshot.

"Sure, with what?" he said eagerly, and I smiled, glad that he was willing to help.

"I need to plan a freaking amazing date for Clare."

**A/N: CUTE CHAPTER, RIGHT? (: This totally set up for some Adam/Eli and Clare/Alli friendship! Woo! I love Adam & Alli (: **

**Next chapter = Eli's super adorable date with Clare, with Eli telling Clare something surprising…**

**Reviews are ALWAYS welcome :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Has it really been THIS long since I updated?**

**Sorry guys, I didn't mean to take forever and a day…**

**And thank you ALL for your WONDERFUL reviews (: I MADE IT TO 200 AND I AM SO SUPER HAPPY. THIS CHAPTER IS FOR ALL OF YOU THAT READ & REVIEW 3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or Life or The Notebook!**

Clare's POV: The next night

"Oh, I wonder what you guys are gonna do!" Alli squealed, referring to my date with Eli. She was finally out of her depressed mood and into her manic one, which can be good and bad.

"I dunno…" I said, feeling nervous. He's supposed to get me from my room at 10:30p.m. (after lights out), and it was 9:45 now.

"Can I do your make-up? And dress you? Pleeeease?" she begged, and I rolled my eyes. From the short time I've known Alli, I know she **loves** fashion, and she's been dying to have me as her life-size Barbie doll.

"Sure…" I agreed and she squealed and walked to my dresser.

"Hmm…This! Wear this!" she said, pulling out a pair of light jean capris and a blue sleeveless off the shoulder top. She handed the clothes to me and turned around. "Hurry up and get dressed so I can spend time on your make-up!"

I mentally rolled my eyes but did as she said. When I was done she made me sit on my bed while she looked through her make-up bag. "How did you even get that here?" I asked, seeing her nail scissors. "That's considered a weapon!"

She shrugged. "I had my friend sneak it in…Well, my ex-friend. She's a bitch. But that's another story for another time."

"Oh," I replied, not really knowing how to respond to that.

"I'll just tell you what happened," she continued, applying my make-up. "I was totally in love with this guy, and she **knew **that! We dated for like three months when I got admitted in here. We were still going out, and he would come visit me all the time. Then, out of nowhere, Bailey – that's my friend – came to visit me and told me **she **liked **him!**"

Alli let out a sharp breath, and her hands started shaking. She was talking so quickly, which was one of the downsides to her being in a manic mood. She was too energetic and sometimes I couldn't catch all of what she was saying.

"Anyway, I told her that he was mine and she got all pissed off and left. I mean, _who does that? _The next day, my boyfriend came back and **accused me of cheating on him!** Then he broke up with me! Apparently, Bailey told everyone I cheated on him with some guy at a party when we first started dating! WHICH IS NOT TRUE! UGH, I HATE THAT WHORE!" Alli screamed, and my eyes were wide with shock.

"I'm really sorry, she sounds like a really bad friend," I said, trying to make her feel better.

"She was. But it's okay, I'm over it," she responded in a cheerful tone. It was so hard to keep up with all of her moods. "On the bright side, damn Clare! You look **hot!** That shirt really makes your eyes stand out!" she told me and dug through her bag, pulling out a mini mirror a second later. I figured it was another thing Bailey had snuck in for her.

Alli handed the mirror to me, and I almost gasped. I looked…pretty. I had a little black eye liner on my top and bottom eyelids with a light eye shadow and a decent amount of mascara, making my eyes look as blue as I had ever seen them. I had on a light pink lip-gloss, which seemed to match my skin tone perfectly.

"Wow," I breathed and Alli squealed.

"I knew you'd like it!" I smiled and handed her the mirror, feeling a little better about myself. Soon after, I heard a light knock on my door. "He's here!" Alli whisper-shouted and I laughed. It seemed like she was more excited that I was.

Eli's POV 

Clare opened the door and for a moment I forgot how to breathe. She looked amazing. "Wow, Clare. You look…uh…wow…uh…What was I saying?" I asked stupidly and she giggled, making me blush slightly. I wasn't used to being tongue tied.

"You were saying something about how I looked…?"

"Right, right. You look incredible," I told her, and she blushed.

"Thanks. So should we get going?" she asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, come on. We just have to be quiet," I told her and she turned to Alli and waved.

"REMEMBER CLARE! SAFE SEX!" Alli basically shouted and I stifled a laugh as I watched Clare turned red.

"Alli, I told you-," Clare started to say but I cut her off.

"Don't worry, Alli. We'll be safe," I said and winked at her. Clare sent me a horrified look and I tried not to laugh.

"Let's go," Clare said, shutting the door.

"Okay," I replied, and grabbed her hand. I glanced over to see her slightly blushing and I smirked to myself, happy that I could make her do that.

We tip-toed in the hallways, making sure to be as quiet as possible. When we finally got to our destination, I was a little nervous, but I shook it off and opened the door. We were standing at the top of a staircase, which led to an old employee's lounge. "Welcome to my secret lair," I joked and was rewarded with her beautiful laugh.

"Your _secret lair?"_

I smirked. "Yup, I found this awhile ago. It was an old employee's lounge, but when they expanded the building they made a new one, and this room was just kind of abandoned," I explained as we walked downstairs.

I watched her take in the room, astonishment on her face. The room was pretty big, with two old couches and a T.V. with a DVD player, and a worn-out wood table with four chairs around it. It kind of looked like a little apartment, and I was surprised that they never did anything with the furniture.

"This is so cool!" she exclaimed and hopped on the couch, propping her feet up on the coffee table. I sat down next to her with my arm around her shoulders.

"Mhmm. I, uh, figured we could watch a movie and play a game afterward…if you want," I said, feeling self-conscious about this date. I was originally thinking of making her a dinner with candles and all that stuff, but since she has an eating disorder, I figured that wouldn't be the best way to go, so this was all I came up with.

"Okay! Wait, how did you get a movie and a game?" She asked, curiosity written on her face.

"The storage closet. You'd be surprised at the things you find in there!" I answered, and she smiled. "Anyway, I know it's not the best date, but I promise that as soon as we leave here, I'm going to take you on a **real** date-,"

"Eli, you're rambling," Clare pointed out and I felt my cheeks burn. "This is perfect; it's the best date I could ever imagine. Thank you." I felt my heart swell with pride; I was glad that she thought it was so great. "So, what movie did you get? And what game?" she asked, changing the subject.

I picked up the DVD and handed it to her. "The Notebook. I know that all girls love that movie so I figured-,"

"THIS IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE!" Clare squealed and I smiled; I was happy to see her being so carefree and joyful.

"Looks like I was right," I said smugly and she giggled.

"Yes, you were," she replied and kissed me on my cheek.

"That's all I get? A kiss on the cheek?" I asked, feigning rage. "After this amazing date I planned, all I get is that?"

Clare laughed loudly and smiled. "I'm sorry," she said. "Will this do?" she asked before crushing her lips to mine.

I was pretty surprised; usually I was the one to initiate the kisses. Having **her **kiss **me** was the best feeling in the world, because it let me know that she actually **wanted** to kiss me.

We broke away, slightly panting and I grinned. "Let's put the movie in," I suggested, and popped it in the DVD player. I sat back on the couch and Clare snuggled up to me, making me feel so incredibly lucky.

2 hours later

Clare and I watched the movie in silence, but it wasn't an awkward silence; it was comfortable. Clare seemed engrossed by the movie, but I didn't particularly care for it. It was too much of a chick flick, but I didn't mind since I was with Clare.

"Let's play a game now!" Clare suggested, and I chuckled at her enthuasiasm.

"I brought Life; is that okay with you?"

"Yes! I used to play this all the time!"

I smirked, picturing her as a young child playing this game. "Then let's get started!"

We played for about an hour, just talking about random things. I would occasionally make a joke (like when we had to get married, I told her my wife's name was Clare) and we would ask each other questions, since we wanted to know each other more.

"I'm glad we can talk like this. I mean, it's nice to have someone to share **everything** with, you know?" Clare said, and I smiled weakly, feeling guilty.

There was one thing I had been keeping from Clare, and I felt bad that I was keeping it from her.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"I just love knowing that you know everything about me and I know everything about you. I feel like you're the one person I can truly trust. It's comforting," she went on, and with every word the guilt struck me like a slap in the face.

"Mhmm," I absently replied, and I felt Clare's gaze on my face.

"What's wrong?" she asked, looking upset.

"It's nothing…It's just…There's something I never told you..." I admitted, looking down.

"Oh, what is it?"

"It's really not a big deal," I told her, wanting to get off the subject.

"If it's not a big deal then you can tell me," she replied, and I bit my lip.

"U-Uh, we can talk about this some other time…"

"No," she said stubbornly. "I thought we made a deal to be completely honest with each other!"

"We did-,"

"Then tell me!" she whined and I took a deep breath.

"I-I…It's not something I like to talk about," I said and she softened.

"I just want to be here for you," she responded, stroking my face gently. I let myself relax into her hands, savoring the moment.

I pulled away but kept a hold on her hands. "Clare…I…I…" I stuttered, not able to get the words out. I took a deep breath and tried again. "I tried to kill myself awhile ago."

**A/N: So, you guys already knew about Eli's past (I believe I gave this away in an earlier chapter) but Clare didn't, so I wonder how she'll take it…**

**DID YOU GUYS LIKE THE CLARE/ALLI PART? I did. I LOVE Alli and Clare's friendship3**

**Review! Pretty Please!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I don't own Degrassi.**

**Sorry for taking 12 years to put this up…We have so much homework since school is almost over + I have volleyball which = not a lot of time. And on top of that this is really short…I'll update this weekend, pinky promise!**

**So I would like to dedicate this chapter to two people:**

**Dramarose: She sent me a really nice PM telling me to update, and it was so sweet, thanks!**

**& XxAliGoldsworthyxX: She reviewed almost every chapter of this AND my other stories in like one day, which meant so much! Thanks!**

**& Thanks to EVERYONE else who reviews. Y'all are great.**

**ON WITH THE CHAPTER. SORRY ABOUT MY RAMBLING.**

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**Clare's POV**

"W-What?" I asked, feeling dizzy. He did **not **just say what I thought he did.

He looked at me, unshed tears in his eyes. "Please don't make me say it again," he whispered, and I knew that I heard right.

Eli had tried to kill himself.

**My** Eli. I pushed away thoughts of him sitting alone; wanting to die so much he actually tried to end his own life, because they were just too painful.

And I didn't even want to think about what would have been if he had succeeded…

"W-Why?" I choked out, blinking back tears I didn't even know were forming.

He exhaled sharply and turned away from me. "It-It's hard to explain. It's just one of those things you know you shouldn't do but you do it anyway, and I don't really know why," he explained and I nodded.

I understood. That's how I felt about my eating disorder. I know I shouldn't do it; I just can't help myself.

"I-I-I…I-I just wanted all the p-pain to go away," Eli continued. "My m-mom found me…I took so many pills…I was passed out. When I woke up in the hospital I heard her talking to Bull Frog. She told him she thought I was dead…And I could hear in her voice that she was heartbroken…**I** did that to her. **I **caused that pain…" Eli trailed off, staring at the wall, seeming to be reliving that memory.

Tears were falling freely down my face; I never knew Eli felt this guilty…and it hurt me to watch him break apart.

I gently put my finger under his chin and forced him to look at me. "Eli, you can't blame yourself for everyone's pain," I said softly, and he glared at me.

"But it's MY FAULT!" he roared, and I flinched, tears stinging my eyes. I hated when he snapped at me, but I knew he was upset so I tried to not let it get to me. Seeing me flinch, he calmed down and put his face in his hands. "See? I just hurt **you** now," he said miserably, and I heard his breath catch in a sob.

"No, it's not a big deal," I tried to assure him, and he looked up at me, his eyes glossy with tears. His face was twisted in anguish and guilt, and my heart broke once again.

"I hurt everyone I love…I don't d-deserve to live."

I gasped. "Don't ever say that, Eli. **Never.** You're an amazing person, and you deserve to live; you deserve to be happy," I told him, not even wanting to contemplate the idea of losing him. I thought that he had understood this, but I guess it took time; this wasn't an easy fix. He was really hurting.

I caressed his cheek, wishing I could make all of his pain go away. "P-Promise me that you'll never try again…Please," I whispered, my voice breaking.

"I won't. I swear I won't; I just don't want to hurt anyone else," he said, more tears running down his face.

"You can get better. You can talk to Dr. Johnson, or me, or Adam; and we can help. I'll be right here with you," I assured him and he looked relieved.

"You're…You're not going to leave me?" he asked, and I shook my head no.

"Of course not. Eli, I love you."

**A/N: FINALLY. Clare said the L word. Sorry this is so short, I'll update this weekend! Possibly sooner, if you review(;**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Don't hate me for taking this long…On the bright side, SCHOOL ENDS THURSDAY. SO. BE EXPECTING FREQUENT UPDATES AFTER THEN. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi!**

Eli's POV

"E-Excuse me?" I asked her breathlessly, hoping, _praying_ that I had heard her correctly.

"I love you," she said clearly, and a smile spread across my face. My heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest; hearing her say that made me want to jump up and cheer.

I didn't reply; I just crushed my lips to hers and put as much passions and love that I could muster into it. When she pulled away to breathe, I trailed my lips down her jaw and neck; I just couldn't find the strength to be away from her. She took over all my senses; all I could see, taste, feel and smell was Clare and I was perfectly okay with that.

"So, I take it you feel the s-same," Clare whispered, her breath hitching when I lightly bit down on the spot just below her ear. She softly moaned and I smirked.

I pulled away and looked into her eyes. "Yes, I do. I love you, too, Clare," I said, and she beamed. It felt great saying it out loud, without having to catch myself. She grabbed my shirt and pulled me down so we were both lying on the couch and I was resting comfortably between her legs.

Clare pulled me in for a kiss, deepening it instantly. Our tongues wrestled and I basked in this moment, not ever wanting to move from this spot. It was like those three words had broken a barrier between us; it allowed us to completely let each other in.

I pulled away, panting, and placed sloppy kisses down her neck, my pants tightening at the sounds of her moans. "I love you," I mumbled into her skin.

"I love you, too," she responded, and we shared another sweet kiss.

Alli's POV

"Where is she?" Audrey asked, pacing in mine and Clare's room. She came in to tell Clare that her appointment with Dr. Johnson was rescheduled for early in the morning, and that she would have to wake up earlier, but noticed Clare wasn't here, and threw a fit.

"Alliah Bhandari, I know you know where she is!" She yelled, and I narrowed my eyes at her. Nobody, and I mean **nobody** talks to me that way.

"I **said** I don't **know,**" I told her, and she matched my glare with a less evil one. _Yeah, that's right, bitch. Nobody can out-do Alli Bhandari,_I thought to myself.

She huffed and stomped out of the room, slamming the door shut. I smirked to myself and sat on my bed, waiting for Clare to get back.

Audrey's POV

"Ugh!" I muttered after walking out of Alli and Clare's room; these kids are so annoying! I walked up to the control room and sat next to Ryan.

"Hey, I need you to check out the cameras for me. Edwards isn't in her room, so check in the girl's hallway," I demanded.

"What time?" he asked.

"Go back to about 10:15 and we'll watch from there," I told him and he nodded, rewinding the tapes.

I impatiently watched the screen for fifteen minutes when I saw that Goldsworthy kid knock on her door. They stood there talking for a couple of minutes and then started walking down the hallway.

I saw them go into the old employee's lounge, **alone, **and I about blew up. I hated when they didn't follow rules. "Fast forward to present time; I want to see if they're still there!"

When we saw that they hadn't left, I leaped out of the chair and went out in the hallway, not bothering to thank Ryan.

I stalked toward the old lounge and flung the door open, racing down the stairs to see Eli _on top _of Clare.

"You two are in _so_ much trouble," I said through clenched teeth.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews, EVERYONE. I really appreciate all of them, they're just so great and they all mean so much to me.**

**I don't own Degrassi!**

OKAY. So this is pretty much just a **filler** chapter because like the next couple chapters are gonna be kinda angst-y…

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Clare's POV

"You two are in _so_ much trouble," someone said from behind us, and I automatically pushed Eli off of me, causing him to land on the floor.

"Ouch," he muttered, but I ignored him and jumped off the couch, becoming face to face with Audrey. Her eyes were narrowed and her fists were balled up into fists.

"Uh…Hey," I awkwardly said, and her face became red.

"You two _do _realize that this is the _second _time you've broken a major rule, right?" she asked and I looked at the floor and stayed silent.

I heard Eli stand up and take his place next to me. "Yup," he answered with a smirk on his face, and that seemed to piss her off even more.

"You…You…" she stuttered, seeming at a loss for words. "We're going to go talk to Dr. Johnson," she finally said, and spun on her heel, walking up the stairs. I looked at Eli, who shrugged, and we trailed behind her.

I glanced at him again, and was surprised to see he had a huge smile on his face. "Aren't you worried?" I asked, feeling my stomach churn as we got closer and closer to her office. I hated getting in trouble, and I was afraid she would call my mom, because I didn't want her to give my mom another reason to want to disown me.

"Not really," he whispered back, smile still on his face.

"Why not?"

"Because –,"

"No talking!" Audrey growled as she snapped her head to look at us. I heard Eli stifle a laugh, which caused her to stop walking and face us again. "I don't see what's so funny, Mr. Goldsworthy," she sneered. "Would you mind telling me?"

"Well," he started, smirking the whole time, "I just think it's funny how worked up you're getting over this. I mean, it's not really a big deal."

I swear I saw steam come out of her ears. "You two were basically _having sex_ down there! How is that not a big deal?"

"We were not _having sex_; we were kissing, like normal couples do," he stated, and Audrey rolled her eyes while I smiled at the word "couple".

"I don't have time for this. Stupid kids..." she muttered, and turned around to continue walking.

I glanced over at Eli, "You just _love_ to get under her skin, don't you?"

He laughed softly and nodded. "It's my favorite thing – well, my _second_ favorite thing."

I smiled and he grabbed my hand. "What's your first favorite thing?" I asked, curious.

"Kissing you," he whispered in my ear, causing me to shiver. Eli pulled away and noticed the blush developing on my cheeks, causing him to smirk.

"Break it up, love birds," Audrey said, stopping in front of Dr. Johnson's office. "We're here."

I briefly wondered how many hours everyone worked here, since it was nearly 11:30 p.m. I guess they're really devoted to their jobs.

We stepped inside and the three of us sat in her chairs while Dr. Johnson looked confused. "What's going on?" she asked.

"These two," Audrey said, pointing to Eli and me, "snuck out of their rooms past curfew and I walked in on them making out – with Eli _straddling _Clare!"

Eli looked over at me and rolled his eyes, mouthing "Tattle-tale" and I held back a laugh.

Dr. Johnson looked over at me, raising her eyebrow. "Is this true?" I blushed and nodded, feeling embarrassed. "Well, you guys do know we can't let this go unnoticed, right?"

"Yes ma'am," Eli spoke up and Audrey's jaw dropped at his extreme politeness. I was 99% sure that Eli was purposely being nice to Dr. Johnson as a way to annoy Audrey, and I playfully rolled my eyes at him.

"Okay; since this is the second time you two have broken this rule, I'm afraid that we're going to have to take away the privilege of the game room and will be required to help in the front office with filing and other tasks starting tomorrow," Dr. Johnson told us, and I felt relieved; it wasn't that bad.

"Sounds fair," Eli interjected, sending me a smile.

Dr. Johnson lightly smiled then continued, "However, we will have to notify your parents tomorrow morning."

I felt my heart drop at her words. "You may go now," she said, and I robotically stood up and exited the office, Eli behind me. He grabbed my elbow and spun me around.

"Are you okay?"

I shook my head. "No…I don't want her to call my mom…She already blames me for dad leaving, and I just don't want to give her another reason to think I'm a screw-up," I whispered, feeling tears well up in my eyes.

I hated feeling like I was disappointing my mom; I felt unloved, and I just wanted to be the perfect daughter, but it seemed like I was always screwing up.

Eli pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. "You're not a screw-up, I promise you that."

I sighed and nodded. "Thanks. I just…feel like she doesn't want me around," I admitted, and Eli held me tighter.

"I don't know your mom, so I can't say that's not true. But I **can** say that _**I **_will **always **want you. _Forever_."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

READ. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

This is like my first official week of summer. And to celebrate that, I am going to update this story **every other day.** YEAH. It's gonna be awesome. And I've decided that this story will be **25** chapters, so only eight left after this.

**SO, leave me lots of reviews? PLEASE? (:**

NEXT CHAPTER PREVIEW:

**"**Stop trying to make me eat! I don't want to!" I yelled, throwing my plate on the ground and watching it shatter. Eli gaped at me and slowly stood up.

"Clare, I-I'm just trying to help you -," he replied, reaching his hand toward mine, but I smacked it away.

"No. No. I don't want your help. Just leave me alone," I said, and stormed out.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: WELL HELLO AGAIN. Look at me, keeping my promises. (: **Thanks** for all of your awesome reviews!

Disclaimer: Still don't own Degrassi!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

NEXT MORNING: CLARE'S POV

"Yes. Yes, but-," Dr. Johnson sighed and put her head in her hands. I guessed it had something to do with my mother, who was currently on the phone with Dr. Johnson. She wasn't very polite to many people these days, and I doubt she was making an exception for her. "She's required to help in the office, and not allowed in the game room." Pause. "Uh huh." Another pause. "Would you like to talk to your daughter?"

I watched her face anxiously, hoping that she **would **want to talk to me, because that would mean that she cared.

"Are you sure?" Dr. Johnson asked, and I cast my gaze on the floor. I had a feeling she didn't want to talk to me, and I knew I was right when I heard Dr. Johnson hang up. "Clare, your mother wants me to tell you that she's busy, but she sends her love, and -,"

"'_Sends her love?'" _I snorted. "Right. That sounds so much like her," I said sarcastically, and stood up, trying to hide my tears. It hurt to be constantly reminded that I wasn't cared for.

"Clare-,"

I shook my head and cut her off, "It's fine. I'll send Eli in." I left her office and went into the waiting room to find Eli sitting in the chair, looking at ease. "Your turn," I mumbled and went into my room before he could try to talk to me.

When I got there, I flung myself onto my bed and cried into my pillow, K.C.'s insults and my mother's cold attitude breaking me down. I thought I could handle it, but I was wrong. Parents are supposed to be the two people that you can **always **rely on to trust and to have on your side. They're supposed to love you **unconditionally**, but apparently neither of them know the real definition of parent.

My parents don't care, K.C. **never** cared, so why should I expect Eli to care? How long can I expect him to stay around? I tried not to let it get to me, but having my own mother refuse to talk to me leads me to wallow in all of my insecurities, making me want to get into old habits.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

ELI'S POV

"Your turn," Clare told me and basically sprinted out of the room. I could tell something was up, and I wanted desperately to run and comfort her, but I had to be there for the call home, just in case they wanted to talk to me (which was very likely, knowing my parents).

I entered her office, sat down in the chair across from her desk and watched her dial my parents' number. Dr. Johnson briefly explained the situation and asked if they wanted to talk to me. A moment later I was handed the phone, greeted by my dad's cheery voice.

"Eli! Son! You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend!" He exclaimed.

"Yup," I simply stated.

"Is she hot?"

His question earned an eye roll, but I answered it anyway. "Clare is gorgeous," I told him sincerely, and I heard CeCe yell "AWW," letting me know I was on speaker.

"I can't wait to meet her!" CeCe said, and I laughed; my parents were the best, and I knew that they were probably jumping for joy at the fact that I had a girlfriend. I honestly think they never expected me to move on.

"You'll love her," I promised, and glanced up at Dr. Johnson, who was looking at me with an expression I couldn't exactly place – I think it was admiration? "Okay, guys I'll talk to you later; love you," I said, and I heard them say it back to me.

I gave Dr. Johnson the phone while I twiddled my thumbs, thinking about my parents. I missed them a lot; we had a really good, open, relationship, especially after my suicide attempt. I couldn't wait to see them, and I really couldn't wait for them to meet Clare either; she was perfect and I can't wait to show her off.

Dr. Johnson talked to them for a few more minutes, and then I was sent on my way to lunch. I walked into the cafeteria, sitting at our usual table; Adam, Alli and Clare were already there, all with plates of food. I got my lunch and took my seat next to Clare, noticing that her food had not been touched.

"Hey, Clare," I said, trying to make the conversation light.

"Hey."

Ouch.

"Are you alright?" I whispered in her ear.

"I'm fine," she snapped, and I tried to ignore the hurt I was feeling at her tone.

"Are you going to eat?" I asked, motioning to her plate.

"No."

CLARE'S POV

He looked shocked at my blunt answer.

"You need to eat," Eli firmly said after regaining composure.

**"**Stop trying to make me eat! I don't want to!" I yelled, throwing my plate on the ground and watching it shatter. Eli gaped at me and slowly stood up.

"Clare, I-I'm just trying to help you -," he replied, reaching his hand toward mine, but I smacked it away.

"No. No. I don't want your help. Just leave me alone," I said, and stormed out.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

A/N: Ah, I'm so mean. But don't worry – you get an update on Friday, remember?

DON'T FORGET TO **REVIEW!**


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: I'M STILL KEEPING MY PROMISE. LOOK AT ME GO.

asldkfjlsakdfj **300** REVIEWS. THREE. HUNDRED.

*Special thanks to Tempted Fate for reading and reviewing every chapter in one night/one morning haha.

**This is dedicated to all of you that review, because you are all so amazing and I really love reading every review! Thank you all for getting me to three hundred reviews!(:**

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eli's POV

I stood there, stunned, until Alli broke my thoughts by muttering something under her breath and running after her. I soon followed suit, and knocked on her door, but she didn't answer.

"Clare, it's me. Are you okay? I…I didn't mean to make you so upset," I said, and I could hear sobbing on the other side, making my heart break.

"J-Just go away, Eli," Clare shouted, her voice breaking.

"Please, Clare, I just want to help-," I was cut off by Alli opening the door, looking sympathetic.

"Eli, I think you should come back later…" she said softly.

"But I need to talk to her!"

"I know, just…give her some time." I sighed and nodded, walking away. I felt so brokenhearted that Clare didn't want to see me. I was her _boyfriend; _she was supposed to come to me when she needed someone, and I was extremely hurt that she wanted me to leave.

I wandered down the hall for awhile before I bumped into Dr. Johnson. "Hello, Eli," she said warmly, and smiled.

"Hey, Dr. J."

"Are you okay? Do you want to come to my office and talk?" she asked, probably noticing my upset tone.

"Sure," I said, and we walked to her office in silence. She unlocked the door and we went in; she sat at her desk and I sat in the chair across from it.

"So, Eli, what's bothering you?"

I let out another sigh. "It's…Clare. I've been helping her with her…issues, and she's been doing fine, up until today. She…kinda freaked out on me, then when I went to talk to her, she sent me away," I explained.

"I see. What exactly happened?"

"We were at lunch, and she wasn't eating, so I told her she needed to. But then she yelled at me, threw her plate on the ground, and then ran out of the room."

"It's great that you're trying to help Clare, it really is, but you know that she isn't just going to be 'fixed' in a day, right? There are a lot of underlying problems that cause her to do what she does, and she needs to come to term with them before she can fully get better. And it's wonderful that you're there for her, but I think you need to know that she may snap at you from time to time, but you need to not take it personally," she said gently, and I nodded.

"Okay…It's just…hard, because I love her so much and I feel unneeded when she tells me to go away."

"I know, and I think you and Clare should talk about this."

"If she ever talks to me again," I interjected, feeling pessimistic.

She lightly laughed. "Oh, she will. Trust me," she said, and I felt a little better.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," she assured me. "Now…since you're here, I think we should talk a little bit about _you_. Last session, I told you to think about why you started cutting and why you think you should stop. Did you come up with anything?"

"Yeah…I used to cut as a way to punish myself for what happened to Julia, because I felt so guilty." A lump formed in my throat when I said her name, and I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "But…now I realize that it wasn't _my_ fault. I wasn't the one with the knife," I said, repeating Clare's words from awhile ago. It was a terrible accident, and I'll never forget her, but…I think it's time to move on."

I glanced at her, and she nodded as a way of telling me to continue. "I'll always have a place in my heart for Julia, because she was my first love. But I know I can stop feeling guilty, and actually _live_ again. I know that she would want me to be happy."

Dr. Johnson looked at me, a ghost of a smile playing on her lips. "And how do you know that?"

"Because, if it was the other way around, _I _would want _her _to be happy; I wouldn't want her to waste her life alone. I would want her to fall in love, get married, and have kids and all that stuff. And I know she would want the same for me," I stated confidently, and for the first time in months, I didn't have the slightest urge to cut.

She grinned at me. "You've come a long way, Mr. Goldsworthy."

I smiled a little bit, feeling…lighter. There was a huge weight off of my shoulders; I still missed Julia, and always would, but I knew it was okay to stop blaming myself. "Thank you."

She nodded. "You may go," she said, dismissing me. I got up from the chair and opened the door when she spoke again, "Go talk to Clare now!"

I laughed and faced her. "That was the plan," I said, and strode out, feeling happier than ever.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

A/N: So…How was it? Eli finally forgives himself. Was it good? Did you like it?

**P.S. Next chapter **_**will**_** have an Eli and Clare conversation about what happened at lunch.**

**CAN YOU PLEASE REVIEW? THANKS. (:**


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Alright guys, I know that this is LATE, BUT Sunday afternoon my keyboard randomly quit working for some reason. Like it was plugged in and everything but it stopped working? It was weird. But I obviously couldn't type it up until now, so I really am sorry!

**Dedication: we-will-not-fall-down; Get well soon, Idy33 **

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my ideas.

*ALSO. SPECIAL THANKS TO **hopelessRMTCx3; **your reviews always make me smile(:

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Clare's POV

"I'm gonna go to my session; will you be okay?" Alli asked me as she played with my hair.

I nodded. "Thanks, Alli."

"No problem," she said, and stood up. "I'll be back soon!"

"Okay," I said, and buried my face in my pillow, feeling exhausted from crying so much. A moment later I heard a knock at my door and Eli's hesitant voice.

"Clare, it's me," he said. I sighed and got up, knowing I wouldn't be able to avoid him any longer and opened the door. "Can I come in?" he asked.

I shrugged. "We could get in more trouble."

"I don't care. We need to talk."

I sighed again and stepped away from the door so Eli could step inside. He sat on my bed and I took a seat next to him. "So…How are you?" I asked, desperately trying to avoid Eli's inevitable questions about my behavior earlier.

"What happened today?" he asked, ignoring my question. My heart dropped and I looked away, refusing to speak. "Clare. You're going to have to answer me some time," Eli said, and I shook my head, biting my lip to keep tears from falling.

I couldn't talk to him about what happened today, because then he would see how pathetic I really was. He would realize that I can't handle anything bad happening to me, and then he would for sure want to leave me.

"Clare," he repeated softly, scooting closer to me. "I want to help you. Please, let me help you."

"You can't," I choked out, the tears finally falling.

"I can! Just talk to me, please," Eli pleaded, and sucked in a breath, trying to steady myself.

"I-I'm sorry," I said, and Eli wiped the tears off my face.

"Don't be sorry; you're upset, and the natural reaction is to cry. Just let me be here for you."

"I-I'm trying!"

"I know, I know," he soothed, and pulled me into his arms. I felt myself collapse under his touch and started sobbing into his chest.

"S-She didn't even want to t-talk to m-me!" I sobbed, not caring about what he might think of me. All I felt was pain, and I needed to let it out. "I'm h-her d-daughter! W-Why am I not g-good enough?"

Eli pulled me closer and rubbed soothing circles on my back. "You _are_ good enough! I don't understand why you don't get that!" he told me.

"B-Because! M-My life is f-full with p-people proving that I-I'm nothing! D-Dad left, mom h-hates me, and K.C. m-made it very clear t-that I'm j-just a nuisance. N-Nothing special!" I cried. "E-Everyone seems to k-know that I'm w-worthless except y-you. And I'm t-terrified for you to r-realize it because then you'll l-leave and I'll be a-alone," I admitted, still trying to control my sobs.

Eli didn't speak, and I figured this was the time I had been dreading all along. He knew the real Clare: the Clare that was vulnerable, needy, and possessed so much self-hate it was unbelievable.

I was scared to look up at him but did anyway, and he was staring at the wall. My body shook as I cried harder and clutched Eli, fearing that my true love was about to walk out on me.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eli's POV

I clenched my jaw, trying to take in everything Clare just told me. She's so broken, and it kills me inside.

"I won't ever leave you," I promised her, blinking away my own tears.

"How can you be so sure?" she replied, her voice muffled.

"Because I love you, and I know what we have is real. I know that we're meant to be together forever."

"I-I want to get better, Eli. It j-just feels like every t-time I'm making progress, s-something c-comes up t-that makes me q-question myself and I go back into my old h-habits," Clare said, still crying but not as hard as before.

"I understand that what you're going through is tough. I get it, believe me. K.C. and your parents…They disgust me. They never should have treated you like that," I said, anger building up just by the thought of them. "But not eating isn't the way to cope with your problems."

"B-But it makes me beautiful," Clare whispered. "If I can't be interesting, or perfect, or unique or special, then I want to be beautiful. I just want to be _something."_

"You _are_ beautiful! And that's not all you are; you're an amazing person, and I can't get enough of you. You're my everything."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Clare's POV

I didn't say anything, and Eli sighed. He lifted my chin up and my red, puffy blue eyes met his green ones.

"Don't let the bad things people have done in your life define you. I know that you can be strong, and I know you can get better. The only thing stopping you is _you_. I know you want to overcome this, but you're afraid. You're afraid to change, because the only way you can feel remotely confident in yourself is when you give in to your eating disorder. You think that's the only way you can be beautiful, when that's not the case at all," Eli said, and I didn't respond.

I was shocked at how he seemed to be reading my mind, because everything he was saying was true. When I chose not to eat, it was like I could feel myself shrinking, and it made me happy; it made me feel great. I didn't want to let that feeling go, because after all I had been through that feeling was the only stable feeling I could rely on.

"Don't get me wrong; you have every right to be pissed at your parents and K.C. But, please, _please_ do _not _let what they have done destroy you. You need to get better, and I believe that in time, you will. And I'll be here for you, just like you were here for me," Eli finished, and I lightly smiled.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"You're welcome. I love you," he whispered back, stroking my cheek with his thumb. "It will get better," he promised, then leaned in and softly kissed my lips.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

A/N: **READ: **

WELL, that was fairly long. But, I wanted to get all of Clare's thoughts and feelings out in the open.

**I'm actually quite nervous to see if you guys like this**! Clare isn't going to be cured in such a short time, which is why this might seem repetitive at times, but I'm just trying to show the road to recovery is long and not very easy.

**Next chapter is going to have a session with Dr. Johnson and Clare that is going to be really important.**

**Please review! Like I said, I'm scared to see if you guys like this...**


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: So you guys, I know I haven't updated in over a month, but I hadn't been feeling any Eclare inspiration /: But don't worry,I'm back and this story will, sadly, be coming to an end soon. There will be four chapters left after this and an epilogue, then the lists will be posted at the end. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS. THEY ARE OVERWHELMINGLY SWEET. I LOVE YOU.

Clare's POV

I stood outside Dr. Johnson's office, holding hands with Eli. "This is the best thing for you," he said. "Once you tell her everything you told me, I know she'll be able to help you."

I smiled softly at his eagerness and his intense hope for me to get better. He knocked on the door and Dr. Johnson opened it, greeting us with a smile.

"Hello, Clare and Eli. What brings you two here?"

"Clare needs to talk to you," Eli said, not beating around the bush. I sighed a little and looked at the ground. I could feel their eyes on me for a moment before Dr. Johnson spoke again.

"Okay, Clare, come inside," she said and I went in, looking at Eli before she shut the door. He had a nervous smile on his face and mouthed "Good luck."

When we got inside, we took our usual seats."How are you feeling?" she asked me as I shrugged and looked away, playing with a strand of my hair.

"Fine, I guess," I said, still not making eye contact.

Dr. Johnson sighed audibly. "Clare, you're going to have to open up to me some time in order for me to offer you the help you need."

"I know..." I mumbled and said no more, creating an awkward silence.

"How are things with you and Eli?" she asked suddenly.

Just the mention of him brought a warm smile to my face. "Really, really good...How do you know about...'us'?"

She smiled knowingly at me. "People like to talk, and a LOT of people talk about your relationship with Mr. Goldsworthy," she said, causing me to blush. "And I saw you two holding hands," she added and chuckled.

I laughed quietly along with her. "Why do they talk about us?" I asked, not knowing why our love life was so interesting.

"We usually don't have patients dating," she admitted with another light laugh.

I smiled. "Yeah, I guess you're right..." I trailed off, thinking about Eli and how amazing he was. He was so good to me, and I knew it hurt him to see me in pain. I looked back up at Dr. Johnson, who was watching me curiously. "Okay...I'm ready to open up now," I told her, and she smiled.

"Great. Start talking whenever you want."

I nodded, took a deep breath, and let it all out.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

An hour and many tissues later, I walked out of her office with a new feeling of hope. I felt like I could get better, which was a great feeling. I was on top of the world, and I actually felt like I had control and power over myself.

I saw Eli sitting in a chair in the waiting room, looking worried. When he noticed me he jumped up. "How'd it go?" he asked,taking my face in his hands.

I flashed him a bright smile. "Well. It went really well."

His features softened as I saw relief wash over him. "That's great," he said and pulled me into a tight hug. I tilted my face up and softly kissed him until we heard someone clear her throat.

Eli's POV

Clare and I broke apart, blushing, to see a smiling Dr. Johnson. "I hate to break this up, but Eli, I need to speak to you," she said and motioned for me to follow her into her office.

"Okay," I replied and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. "I'll talk to you later, Clare."

"Alright," she responded, and blew me a kiss, leaving the waiting area and causing butterflies to erupt in my stomach.

I must have been staring after her like an idiot because Dr. Johnson cleared her throat again. "Come on, Eli," she said, and I blushed slightly and went in her office. We sat down and she folded her hands, grinning at me. "So, Mr. Goldsworthy, I noticed last session that you have made a lot of progress. And I've decided that you can go home."

"What?" I asked, shocked.

Dr. Johnson smiled again. "You go back to your house, with your family, in two weeks."

*.*.*.*.*.

A/N: I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Like I said, this story will be ending in about a week. Or two. Somewhere around there.

How do you guys think that Clare's going to handle leaving?

OH, HOW ARE YOU GUYS LIKING THE SEASON!

PLEASE REVIEW!(:


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Okay so I know I said this would be finished by now. But. The day I updated we had a huge storm, and my power was out. THEN when the power came back on, my internet and TV was messed up. When we got that fixed, my computer had "A hard drive problem" and when that got fixed i couldn't use it because I was re-painting my room. SO YOU CAN ALL BLAME THE WEATHER IN OHIO OKAY. OKAY. **

BRIGHT SIDE: I LOVE YOU AND YOUR REVIEWS.

I don't own Degrassi

Clare's POV

"Where's Eli? I need to show him the new comic my brother Drew sent me!" Adam said excitedly as we sat with Alli in the cafeteria.

"Talking to Dr. Johnson," I replied and watched his face fall.

"Damn it! I really need to show him this! He's the only one that understands my love for these comics!"

Alli and I giggled at Adam's excitement. "It's okay, I'm sure he'll be done soon," Alli assured him.

"He better..." Adam mumbled and started reading it as Alli and I shared another laugh.

"Ooohh, Clare, did I tell you that I got put on new medication? It really seems to be working!" Alli told me, smiling brightly.

"Really? That's awesome, Alli!" I said, genuinely happy for her.

She nodded, still beaming. "I actually feel...normal, for once," Alli admitted and I felt a pang of sadness.

"You've always been normal," I told her.

"Not really...My disorder makes me feel...like an outcast. Other people don't have to worry about either being too hyper or sinking into depression all the time," she explained, her big brown eyes filling with tears.

"Oh, Alli, I never knew you felt that way," I said, moving over and hugging her. She let out a shaky laugh and wiped away a tear.

"I do. Well, I did. I hope this medication keeps working because I love that I feel normal."

"I hope it works, too. I think it will," I told her, and she smiled and wiped away another tear.

"Thanks," she whispered, more tears falling down her face.

"What's wrong?" I asked since she was still crying, which caused Adam to look up from his comic, his face showing obvious discomfort when he noticed Alli was crying.

"I just...feel so relieved," she told us, her voice breaking.

"There, there," Adam said, awkwardly patting her back in an attempt to cheer her up, making Alli laugh.

"I'm okay. Really. I was crying happy tears."

"Oh, Thank God," Adam mumbled, and resumed reading his comic.

I playfully rolled my eyes and turned back to Alli, who was no longer crying. "I really believe that that medication is going to work for you."

"Me, too," she said, smiling warmly at me.

We continued to talk about random things when Eli walked in, standing by our table. I was about to say hi, but Adam beat me to it.

"ELI! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I NEED TO SHOW YOU THIS NEW COMIC!" he shouted, waving it in the air frantically.

"Calm down, dude," Eli said, chuckling.

"CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN? ARE YOU SERIOUS? LOOK, IT'S NEW!" Adam yelled, his eyes bulging and the three of us laughed.

"Which one is it?"

"The Goon!"

"NO WAY! LEMME SEE IT!" Eli shouted, now extremely excited, and grabbed it out of his hands. "This isn't supposed to come out for like three months! How did you get this?"

"I guess Drew's new girlfriend knows the author or something!"

"This is AWESOME!"

"I KNOW!" Adam agreed, basically jumping up and down with joy. Alli and I shared a look and started busting out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Eli asked, confusion coloring his expression.

"You...You two...Are screaming like little girls!" Alli told them between laughs, causing each of the boys to blush.

"We are not!" Eli argued, and I laughed.

"Sorry, babe, but you are," I told him and his face turned a darker shade of red.

"Whatever," he mumbled, playfully glaring at me. He turned serious a second later, and handed the comic back to Adam. "Hey, Clare, I have something to tell you...Let's go to my room," he suggested, and I stood up, confused at his random request.

"Um, okay? Bye Alli, bye Adam, see ya later!" I called over my shoulder as we went to his room. I sat down on his bed while he paced around the room. "Is something wrong?"

He stopped pacing and locked his eyes with mine. "Kind of...Not really... I don't know."

"What is it?" I asked, feeling worried.

"I'm leaving in two weeks."

"Leaving...to go...home?"

He nodded, watching me cautiously. "Yeah...Dr. Johnson said I've made a lot of progress, and I'm still gonna need therapy, but I'm not required to be here anymore."

"That's...That's fantastic! Eli, I'm so proud of you!" I said, embracing him in a huge hug.

"You are?" he asked, and I pulled back to look at him.

"Absolutely! You've overcome everything, and I am so proud that you did. I knew you could," I said, beaming.

"Thanks, Clare. That means a lot," he said, his cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink once again. "But won't you miss me?"

My smile dropped a bit at the mention of him leaving. "Yeah, but it's not like I'll never see you. You can come visit me, and when I get out, we can still keep dating...right?"

"Of course! I don't want to lose you, ever."

I grinned. "And I don't want to lose you, either. I love you."

"I love you, too," he replied, cupping my face and bringing his lips to mine.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

Two weeks later; Clare's POV

"Do you have everything?" I asked Eli and he nodded.

"Yup. Are you ready to meet my parents?"

"Yeah. Well...I think...I'm kinda nervous," I admitted, and he smiled.

"Don't be. They're going to love you."

"I hope so..." I mumbled, and walked hand in hand to the front office with him, where his parents were signing him out.

"Eli!" A pretty, middle aged woman shouted out, running over to us. "Oh, baby boy, I've missed you!" she said, pulling him into a bone crushing hug.

"I've missed you, too," Eli said, and a man walked over, putting his arm around the woman and looking at me.

"And I'm assuming that this pretty little girl is Clare, right?" he asked Eli, and I felt myself blush.

"Yes. Clare, this is my dad Bullfrog and my mom CeCe," Eli introduced, smiling wide.

I held my hand out for them to shake, "It's nice to meet you," I said, and was a little shocked to have CeCe pull me into a hug.

"It's great to meet you, Clare, I've heard so much about you!" she gushed, and I glanced at Eli.

"Oh really?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at him.

"Hell yeah!" Bullfrog answered, laughing. "You're all he talks about when we're on the phone!"

"Dad!" Eli kind of shouted, turning red.

"What?" he asked innocently, and CeCe smacked his arm.

"Stop embarrassing our child!" she whispered loud enough for us to hear, and I giggled.

Dr. Johnson came up then, holding a file. "Here are all of Eli's records for the new therapist," she said, handing it to CeCe. "Good luck, Eli," she told him, smiling.

"Thanks," he replied, and I felt my heart sink. I was so glad that he was going to get out of here, but I didn't know if I could go through this without him. He seemed to sense my dread, because he looked down and gave me a sad smile.

"Well, I guess we better get goin'!" Bullfrog said, oblivious to our sudden sadness.

"Can we have a minute to talk?" Eli asked, and CeCe nodded.

"Of course. Take your time; we'll be waiting in the car."

Eli's parents and Dr. Johnson left us standing by the door alone, both of us fighting tears. "Hey, don't worry. We'll be able to talk on the phone every day, and I'll come back to visit in two weeks," Eli said, attempting to cheer me up.

"I know," I replied, a tear sliding down my face against my will.

"Please don't cry," he begged, wiping the tear away with his thumb."I hate to see you upset," he whispered.

"I'm fine. I'm just going to miss seeing you every day."

"I know, it's going to be torture. But it won't be for long. Don't forget that I'm coming back in two weeks."

I slowly nodded. "Okay."

"We'll talk every day," he promised, and I grinned.

"I know. Now you go back to your family. Have fun being free," I told him, and he sadly smiled at me.

"I'll try."

"Good. I love you," I said.

"I love you, too," he replied, and leaned down to kiss me.

As I watched Eli walk out the door I held in my sobs. I didn't know how I was going to be here without him.

**A/N: SO, I think this was like the longest chapter of this story so far! I hope you liked it! I actually believe this was MY favorite chapter, because it had some cute friend bonding and stuff (:**

**Anyway, if you could please review , that would be fantastic!**

**Thanks much!**

**P.S. I already have the next chapter written, so if I get a lot of reviews I'll be updating very soon...hint hint (;  
**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Long time no see… I'm so sorry you guys. I really hope I haven't lost a lot of readers, but I'm sure I have.**

**I know you probably don't want to read my excuses, but for those of you interested, here they are. I've been so busy. I have two jobs, am in all AP classes, and play a sport. I honestly have barely had time to sleep.**

**I feel SO freaking terrible about the wait for this chapter. I actually had EVERYTHING written out for this _and_ my other story, but then my computer crashed and I lost it ALL. So it was really hard to get it perfect again. Okay, here's the chapter.**

**Thank you for reading, if you still are.**

* * *

Clare's POV

"How are you all today?" Dr. Johnson asked, and I sighed. This question was really getting old. Group therapy was getting old, too.

Everything was getting old without Eli.

"I'm good!" Adam exclaimed, and I laughed a bit at his cheerfulness. These past few weeks without Eli had been hard on him, too, but he said he was really focusing on getting out of here.

"Ooohh, me too!" Alli said, smiling at Adam. Her new medicine was still working, and I was grateful for that. My two closest friends (not including Eli, of course) were well on their way out of here. And I was happy for them. They deserved it.

Dr. Johnson beamed, and then turned her attention toward me. "And what about you, Clare? How are you?"

I shrugged. I was still upset that Eli wasn't here, but I knew that he couldn't be here forever, and that I couldn't depend on him for everything. I needed to find the strength to get better for myself. "I'm doing well. I really am," I told her sincerely.

She nodded, her smile still in place. I think she could tell I meant it. "Excellent. Just, excellent." She started writing things down in her notebook, and I started watching the people around me.

Fitz, who seemed to be getting worse, was rocking back and forth in his chair a bit. He was muttering things under his breath, but I couldn't understand him.

Adam and Alli were sharing a private conversation, and from the look of Alli's blush, I could only assume they were flirting. A small smile tugged at my lips as I observed them for the rest of the session.

After group therapy, we went into the cafeteria, and I picked out a turkey sandwich. I sat at the usual table, which felt empty without Eli. Alli and Adam were still in their own little world, so I concentrated on eating; it usually took most of my focus anyway.

_One more bite, _is what I had to keep telling myself. It was one of Dr. Johnson's techniques – she said it was self-motivation. I finished my whole sandwich, something I hadn't been able to do in a _long_ time.

A burst of pride shot through me, and a giggle escaped through my lips. I did it. I, Clare Edwards, ate my _whole_ sandwich.

Another giggle escaped me as I realized how odd that sentence could be found to someone who didn't know of my previous condition.

"I have to call Eli!" I exclaimed to the two, who finally snapped out of their conversation.

"What? Why?" Alli asked, but I was halfway out of my chair by then, and had no intentions of answering her. I sprinted to the main office, and asked if I could use their phone.

I dialed his number, (which he gave to me right before he left) and waited patiently for him to pick up.

"Hello?"

His voice was soft and musical, and made my heart melt. Hearing him made me miss him so much more.

"I did it. I ate my entire sandwich." I was out of breath when I said this, and I laughed lightly. I felt kind of stupid making a big deal about this, but my excitement couldn't be contained.

"Really, Clare? Honey, that's amazing! I'm so proud of you," he said, and I felt tears in my eyes. He was proud of me.

I don't think I'd ever made anyone proud before.

"I love you," was all I said in response, wiping at my eyes. "You're the reason why I was able to do it. You helped me more than anyone."

"No, I didn't do anything. _You _did it. It was all you, babe."

"Five more minutes," the security guard told me, and I rolled my eyes. This hospital would always feel like a jail to me. There were so many restrictions.

"Thank you, Eli. So much."

"No need to thank me. I love you, Clare, and I'm so proud of you. I'll see you soon, okay?"

I nodded, still wiping tears away. "Yeah, okay. Soon," I promised, and we said our final goodbyes, hanging up.

I walked back to the cafeteria quietly but with a smile on my face. I didn't feel hungry, or empty. I had always hoped that I would be able to get better, and this proved that I _could _do it. I believed in myself, for once.

It was only a matter of time before I got out.

**A/N: This sucked, I know /: I just wanted to give you guys a much-deserved chapter. I'm working on the next chapter for my other story, now, too, because that's had a long wait as well. I love you guys so much, thank you for reading!**

**Review if you'd like!**

**P.S. Next chapter = the last one. );**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: I suck. I know, I really do.**

**I am SO COMPLETELY sorry. I have slacked on fanfiction and that is my fault.**

**BUT. This is the last chapter….I'm so sad. So so so sad! I'm making an epilogue. Because I just can't seem to let this story go. I really can't….Hahahaha.**

**Thank you so much for all of your reviews. I'm so happy that I still have readers. I love you all. I really do.**

* * *

2 MONTHS LATER

Clare's POV

I sighed happily as my mother signed me out, though our relationship wasn't much better. Even that couldn't bring my mood down, though.

I was floating.

No, I was _soaring_.

Two more months of intense therapy, watching Alli and Adam find the strength to move on and out of here, along with the support from Eli made me find my own power to let go of my disorder.

It was hard, but I did it.

I, Clare Edwards, had an eating disorder.

_Had_.

As in past tense.

"You're a great girl, Clare. I'm so happy to see you go; we're still going to have a session once every month to check up on you, though, okay?" Dr. Johnson smiled at me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I nodded, smiling slightly. "Yes, yes of course."

She smiled at me again, turning to speak to my mother about more of the procedures of releasing me as I looked around, trying to catch sight of Eli. He had promised that he'd be here to pick me up, and to take me on our 'first official date.'

That was a promise he had intended on upholding for quite some time, now. A small giggle escaped from my lips as I recalled all of our secret meetings to make out, that bitchy nurse always seeming to catch us.

"What's so funny?" I heard as two arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer. I immediately shivered from his closeness, his breath at my ear.

Not having seen him in what felt like _forever, _I ignored his question, spinning around at once and pressing my lips to his. He responded eagerly, sliding his tongue into my mouth and wrestling with mine until we heard someone clearing her throat.

"Mr. Goldsworthy, so nice to see you again…Or, more accurately, so nice to see you shoving your tongue down Ms. Edward's throat, again." Dr. Johnson playfully grinned at the two of us, my face turning red and Eli smirking lopsidedly. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close.

"Dr. Johnson, so nice to having you cock-block me again," he replied, making my mom gasp and Dr. Johnson laugh.

"Ah, Eli, I've kind of missed your sarcasm. _Kind of_."

Eli laughed, and opened his mouth to speak, but my mother beat him to it. "So, is that all we need to do here, or…?" Her tone was bitchy, as usual, and I rolled my eyes, thinking back to the first time she had signed me in here.

Dr. Johnson went back into professional mode, telling her that yes, that's all she had to do, and yes, she could leave; she already knew Eli was taking me.

She swept out of the building, leaving the three of us in an awkward silence.

"Your mom is-."

"I know," I cut Eli off, noting how he had stiffened at the sound of her harsh tone. "Can we leave now? No offense, but I've been dying to get out of here," I said to Dr. Johnson, and she nodded, laughing a bit.

"Of course, honey. Have fun on your date," she told us, and my face reddened a bit.

"We will. Bye, I'll see you next month!" I called over my shoulder cheerily, already being dragged out by Eli. He led me to the parking lot, standing in front of a hearse.

"Clare, meet Morty. Morty, meet Clare."

"…This is a hearse."

"Correct."

"...Why didn't you tell me you drove a hearse?"

"You never asked."

"This is necessary information, Eli!" I giggled, admiring the vintage vehicle. Truth be told, I liked it. It was different. It definitely fit Eli.

"Yeah, yeah. Just get in! Our date awaits!" He said, pulling me in for another kiss before opening my car door. It was weird being with Eli outside of Degrassi, but it wasn't unpleasant in the least.

I got in the car, Eli soon following suit, and he turned on the radio. Rock music blasted out, and I covered my ears, with Eli laughing at me.

"Here, I'll change the station to something you probably like," he said, chuckling lowly.

Ironically enough, "Just the way you are" came on, and my smile was so wide it almost split my face in half. The memory of him reading his list to me flooded into my mind, tears of joy pricking my eyes. Eli must have been remembering the same thing I was, because he grabbed my hand, interlacing our fingers.

"Hmm, maybe I will get the chance to sing Bruno Mars to you," he commented, then started to belt the chorus out as we drove.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you liked this..**

**OKAY THIS IS IMPORTANT. READ THIS! VV**

**I am CONSIDERING making another chapter before the epilogue of their date. THEN I'd put the epilogue. I swear that I will not take months to upload this. I don't work this week, thank goodness, so it'd be up by then.**

**Please, review and tell me if you'd like to see their date.**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH!**


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Ah, we meet again.

And once again this is delayed because I suck. Your reviews are so…I just love you all okay? That is so sincere. Like…Gosh. You guys make me cry tears of joy. Aslkdf. Don't worry, I won't get sappy on you... yet. That's for the epilogue and my thank you note which may be long because I, like Eli, am very wordy. Lots of you guys wanted to see the date, so here it is! It's a little short, yes, but still cute after all this angst. I'm going to start working on the epilogue tomorrow, I think you guys will like it.

**_EmilyDanielle_**: Again, you are too kind. You inflate my ego. Stop that! It doesn't need any help! Hahaha. But yes, you may be right..I may be putting up a new story soon ;)

Yo mamma, HOALemonadeMouthLuvv165, RRsabi, degrassiluver15, the date is for y'all!

wurdzfromtheheart,SaucyElmo,Degrassi star and The cliffhanger girl, thank you guys for your reviews! XOXOXO.

Love you all. :')

* * *

_Eli's POV_

* * *

"So…We're here."

"I can't see anything."

"Oh, right," I said, laughing, and took off her blindfold. I watched her reaction carefully as she observed the ruins of the church before us.

"This is...wow," she breathed. "So pretty." Her voice was full of awe as she walked around, studying the environment, and coming upon the hammock I set up a few hours before.

"I thought you'd like it," I told her, laying out the blanket and setting the picnic basket on the ground. "Our first official date will be a picnic, then maybe some cloud watching from the hammock. Do you like it?" I was suddenly very nervous. "I didn't just want to do dinner and a movie, because, well that's a little cliché and you deserve more. Besides, after not seeing you for months made me miss you like crazy, and I need to hear your voice. I can't do that in a movie theater." I was rambling, and I was very aware of it. I just couldn't stop.

Clare's light laugh cut me off from talking, and my cheeks darkened slightly. "I love it, Eli. It's perfect," she said, wrapping her arms around my neck. Her lips met mine for only seconds, and I pouted.

"That's all I get?" I complained in a teasing manner, and Clare unwound herself from my grip, sitting on the blanket while nodding.

"Yup! Not until later, anyway. I'm so hungry!"

Hearing those three words come out of her mouth made me swell up with so much pride. She came such a long way. I knew she'd fight it; she was a survivor. She was _my_ survivor. I beamed, sitting next to her and getting out two sandwiches, a bag of chips, an entire apple pie and strawberries with melted chocolate to dip them in.

"I may have went a little overboard," I admitted, eyeing the huge amount of food sitting before the two of us. She laughed, though, and my insecurities evaporated in the air. We spent the next hour eating, talking, and feeding each other strawberries.

She was lying on my chest while we sat in the hammock, studying the clouds. "That's a horse," she told me, pointing to a cloud. I shook my head, smirking slightly.

"No way. You're delusional! That's most definitely a dragon."

She scoffed, shaking her head also.

"Horse."

"Dragon."

"Horse."

"Dragon."

She rolled her eyes, knowing she wasn't going to win this fight. "Whatever," she mumbled, and I stifled a laugh. I was playing with her soft curls, watching her eyes drift shut.

"Have I ever told you that you're beautiful?" I asked, delightfully taking note in the way her cheeks turned pink.

"All the time."

"Well, it's true." She shifted, moving so her lips could reach mine, and grinned.

"I love you, Eli," she said, pressing her lips to mine once again. It was much longer and held more passion than the last kiss, and my heart melted.

"I love you more."

"Not this again," Clare protested, and I smirked. We had this 'I love you more' contest almost every day, and almost every day I won, because I was more stubborn than her. "Elijah Goldsworthy. I love _you_ more, and that's the end of that!"

I opened my mouth to protest, like always, but was cut off by her kissing me again. Her hands rested underneath my shirt, her tongue darting in and out of my mouth with more determination and love and lust than I had ever felt. When she pulled away, I was breathless, and for once, speechless.

After I steadied myself, I smirked at her. "You little devil! You play dirty."

Clare laughed, shaking her head. "I don't know what you're talking about." Her tone was amused, and I rolled my eyes playfully.

"You win…This time."

* * *

A/N: So their date...was very fluffy. hahahaa. Wasn't much of a date, anyway. Just mainly them being cute. ;D

I HAD TO PUT THE CHURCH AND HAMMOCK IN SOME WAAAY. TOO CUTE NOT TO.

The epilogue will be up soon. I'm going to the lake tomorrow where I get all my inspiration so yeah. Lists will be up after that, with my thank you note. because you guys are so precious to me. YOU MAKE ME CRY TEARS OF JOY.

LOVE YOU ALL. CAN'T SAY IT ENOUGH.

**REVIEWS** ARE COOL, DONTCHA THINK?

XOX.


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